*shimmering light, flashing rainbows, a dark chamber pierced by only a single beam of light. Motes of dust float in the air like the sparkles in a fae maiden's diaphonous gown. In the center of the ephereal beam, surrounding by the glistening darkness, is a small figure wrapped in a mud stained robe of green, staring fearfully into the tenebrous dark*
It is fire.. It is deepest gloom, shattering brilliance in a dying room.
Blazing shards of repentious light, flaring shadows in a dance of fright.
Wicked whispers in crimson shades, dancing falters rigid frames.
However in the mist we bled, twirling in a killing bed.
All of antiquity trapped in a crystal bright,
fading plants in winter blight.
Fractured memories on sheets of glass,
in relinquished shades of times long past.
To the starlight sighing flies,
a frelintious wist of flagging cries.
However twisted prancing spins,
a raptous flight of murky fens.
To climbing spirals music flies,
frank and crushing secrets high.
Shadows wrapped in draken hide,
to curl up within to die.
Felicious hope in window frame,
distant futures yet to claim,
in the sordid after made,
a snicking blade of fritting plane.
Forever shadows stretch hereout,
and dwarven silhouttes of doubt,
in the refracting quartzen tame,
dischordic liquids twist and came.
Children cringe in mildest feem,
decrepit figures in the hame,
shaldurin fists of raging meet,
on shields of heros crying deep.
Mysteries of the future come,
within the arcing shifting dome,
to deep within the sounding sheem,
forever drowned in vassal beam.
*Note from Author: It is what it came to be, and nothing more than it was. Your explanation has as much meaning as mine I fear, just take from it what you will*
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Under Loki's loving caress.. and my own foolishness.
*sighs*
Ya know.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in the habit of self-destructing my happy arrangements. I move to Portland, and finally get a job with a company I've been wanting to work for for the past three years.
And I manage to get fired within two weeks. Amazing neh? I know *I'M* impressed. *shakes his head* I just wish I could honestly say I did something heinously wrong. No.. Nothing of the sort. I was doing well on the phones, learning the systems fast, and picking up more and more every day.
It was, in the end, my wit that did me in. Or what passes for it. I won't go into it, except to say the following - 1. Nothing sexual or even vaguely inappropriate on that level was the cause. 2. It was not shirking work, I was impressing the hell out of my direct trainer. It was just my mouth, doing that magic dance that occasionally doesn't know when to stop, cutting into my plans and intentions with razor-like precision.
As I was riding home in the taxi they saw fit to get for me, rather than merely popping me 1.65$ for a bus pass.. *shakes his head, corporate spending*. I realized what I hated the worst in relation to the occurence today. Not my roommates, I got the first job quickly, they know I'll get another just as fast, and my final paycheck pays me up for July. It wasn't having to tell the parents of my children that that extra bit of insurance wouldn't be coming. That was merely embarrasing.
It was having to admit to the one person whos opinion of me matters, that I lost a job I had JUST started. For the first time in my life, I'm ashamed of this. I've been angry, upset, annoyed, embarrased. But never before have I been ashamed of something of this sort. I suppose one could say writing in this blog is the cowards way out of telling her, but I hope to tell her before she reads it. What writing in this blog is, is purging the thought from my head before it becomes a festering sore.
Amazing, isn't it? It is to me.
She already matters enough to me, that its her I'm afraid to let down. I feel like apologizing to her for this. *smiles softly*
Guess its just Jack N. coming out in me....
She makes me want to be a better man, and this.. *sighs* Makes me want to hide my head.
Oh, and in case anyones wondering.. No.. writing this did NOT make me feel better.
Ya know.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in the habit of self-destructing my happy arrangements. I move to Portland, and finally get a job with a company I've been wanting to work for for the past three years.
And I manage to get fired within two weeks. Amazing neh? I know *I'M* impressed. *shakes his head* I just wish I could honestly say I did something heinously wrong. No.. Nothing of the sort. I was doing well on the phones, learning the systems fast, and picking up more and more every day.
It was, in the end, my wit that did me in. Or what passes for it. I won't go into it, except to say the following - 1. Nothing sexual or even vaguely inappropriate on that level was the cause. 2. It was not shirking work, I was impressing the hell out of my direct trainer. It was just my mouth, doing that magic dance that occasionally doesn't know when to stop, cutting into my plans and intentions with razor-like precision.
As I was riding home in the taxi they saw fit to get for me, rather than merely popping me 1.65$ for a bus pass.. *shakes his head, corporate spending*. I realized what I hated the worst in relation to the occurence today. Not my roommates, I got the first job quickly, they know I'll get another just as fast, and my final paycheck pays me up for July. It wasn't having to tell the parents of my children that that extra bit of insurance wouldn't be coming. That was merely embarrasing.
It was having to admit to the one person whos opinion of me matters, that I lost a job I had JUST started. For the first time in my life, I'm ashamed of this. I've been angry, upset, annoyed, embarrased. But never before have I been ashamed of something of this sort. I suppose one could say writing in this blog is the cowards way out of telling her, but I hope to tell her before she reads it. What writing in this blog is, is purging the thought from my head before it becomes a festering sore.
Amazing, isn't it? It is to me.
She already matters enough to me, that its her I'm afraid to let down. I feel like apologizing to her for this. *smiles softly*
Guess its just Jack N. coming out in me....
She makes me want to be a better man, and this.. *sighs* Makes me want to hide my head.
Oh, and in case anyones wondering.. No.. writing this did NOT make me feel better.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
A question of honour.
*Shadows flicker across the chamber, cast by a few scant oil lamps secluded in various corners. Sitting a table in a roughweave monks robe sits a youngish man, scribbling carefully in a book of parchment by the light of a single flickering candle stub. In the distance, the sound of church bells can be heard calling the faithful to Vesper mass. He pauses a moment in his scratching to look outside at the moon just beginning to rise above the horizon, sighs heavily, and returns to his book*
Honour. Its an interesting thing, and used in interesting ways. And sometimes that which is called honour is, in fact, little more than habit. To think of oneself as honourable. I sometimes wonder if that very practice immediately disqualifies one from BEING honourable. After all, the humble man does not think himself so, and never declares himself so.
Perhaps then I am as accused.. Honourable. I know it is a thing I have aspired to, to be able to be looked on with pride as an example of what an honourable person is. But most days I feel I fall short, for reasons as simple as the few coins still owed Brother Robert, or the nipping of a bit of extra from the line during the evening feast.
But that does not change the fact that I stand accused of honour. And Honesty. Neither of these traits do I feel I possess in any grand amount, though I would admit to honesty. But more for the sake of having less to remember. In times past I was quite the skillful liar, twisting and bending the truth to avoid situations. But in that time it was mostly a case of survival, fending off bill collectors as well as I could. After all, at that time, I had no coin to pay, and yet they kept calling. Still.. Not the most honourable thing.
And then, on another question of honour. When one is accused of honour for behaving a certain way, for reasons that have nothing to do with honour. Does this still make one honourable? To drive ones cart in a reasonable fashion, that the town Shiriff does not fine ye, or to not dispatch your neighbour for fear of retribution, or even something as simple as not uttering a word of curse, for fear of Gods own retribution. None of these things are truly acts of honour. Though they may by their nature be honourable acts. But an even greater question is.. Is an act honourable if you do not know why you commit it?
For this pilgrim.. I cannot say. I act the way I act, because I am the way I am. I do not feel worthy of being called 'honourable'. Scarcely so for being called honest. Whether this is out of some misguided sense of nobility, or merely truly feeling unworthy of the title, or perhaps... Just perhaps... the responsibility. To be called honourable by another, makes you responsible to be honourable. Both for the reputation of honour, and for the sake of that persons credibility and note of sense. After all.. What kind of person would tarnish anothers name by their own actions? Or make another look the fool...
*the monk sits up... Stretching his back, and yawning quietly as he observes the now sparkling stars in the night sky, and then drains a small clay mug sitting on the desk next to him of its water, now tepid. He then looks back at the book, and picks up his quill, clipping the tip to bring back a sharp tip, and dipping it in the iron gall ink before returning to his page*
All questions this eve... and no answers... Let it be said that I hope my accuser in this case finds me guilty, not just today, but for every one to come.
And let me hope that should I ever reach my breaking point... That when it comes time to face a true question of honour... I'm up to the task.
Brother Hiberius Cline
Honour. Its an interesting thing, and used in interesting ways. And sometimes that which is called honour is, in fact, little more than habit. To think of oneself as honourable. I sometimes wonder if that very practice immediately disqualifies one from BEING honourable. After all, the humble man does not think himself so, and never declares himself so.
Perhaps then I am as accused.. Honourable. I know it is a thing I have aspired to, to be able to be looked on with pride as an example of what an honourable person is. But most days I feel I fall short, for reasons as simple as the few coins still owed Brother Robert, or the nipping of a bit of extra from the line during the evening feast.
But that does not change the fact that I stand accused of honour. And Honesty. Neither of these traits do I feel I possess in any grand amount, though I would admit to honesty. But more for the sake of having less to remember. In times past I was quite the skillful liar, twisting and bending the truth to avoid situations. But in that time it was mostly a case of survival, fending off bill collectors as well as I could. After all, at that time, I had no coin to pay, and yet they kept calling. Still.. Not the most honourable thing.
And then, on another question of honour. When one is accused of honour for behaving a certain way, for reasons that have nothing to do with honour. Does this still make one honourable? To drive ones cart in a reasonable fashion, that the town Shiriff does not fine ye, or to not dispatch your neighbour for fear of retribution, or even something as simple as not uttering a word of curse, for fear of Gods own retribution. None of these things are truly acts of honour. Though they may by their nature be honourable acts. But an even greater question is.. Is an act honourable if you do not know why you commit it?
For this pilgrim.. I cannot say. I act the way I act, because I am the way I am. I do not feel worthy of being called 'honourable'. Scarcely so for being called honest. Whether this is out of some misguided sense of nobility, or merely truly feeling unworthy of the title, or perhaps... Just perhaps... the responsibility. To be called honourable by another, makes you responsible to be honourable. Both for the reputation of honour, and for the sake of that persons credibility and note of sense. After all.. What kind of person would tarnish anothers name by their own actions? Or make another look the fool...
*the monk sits up... Stretching his back, and yawning quietly as he observes the now sparkling stars in the night sky, and then drains a small clay mug sitting on the desk next to him of its water, now tepid. He then looks back at the book, and picks up his quill, clipping the tip to bring back a sharp tip, and dipping it in the iron gall ink before returning to his page*
All questions this eve... and no answers... Let it be said that I hope my accuser in this case finds me guilty, not just today, but for every one to come.
And let me hope that should I ever reach my breaking point... That when it comes time to face a true question of honour... I'm up to the task.
Brother Hiberius Cline
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Good morning to you fine readers, or afternoon if yer anywhere but on the West Coast (Or Hawaii, but if you're in hawaii, I don't want to hear about it.. Truth.)
So I've just settled down after a nice afternoon meal of grilled chicken sammy on wheat bread with lettuce and tomato and onion.. Yum. Just yum. Its been an interesting morning, my first two hours of phone calls went fabulously, no stress, no worry. Just hammerin' 'em out, one after another, and gettin' things down pat.
Its nice to know I'll be settling into my new home away from home soon. The calls are almost deceptively easy, and I've seen a few of the more complex ones whilst sitting with other folks. And some of the stuff, of course, I'll have to check time and time again to make sure I'm getting it right. But all in all, its cake.
Time this week has, when not at work, begun to creep down to a slow crawl. You see, this Friday I'm off to see Zarhah, and of course in the meantime I'm waiting for the week to end anxiously. Yes yes.. If you know me at all, this is ALREADY getting old, though I fear for poor Zarhah the most. I'm sure the days pass with no more alacrity for her than I, and then to hear me gripe about it.. Well.. *shrugs*
Not sure about this sunshine mind you, I'm rather hoping that come the end of the week there will be something a little more mild to accompany my visit to the Great Northern Wastes. (Or is that Great Northern Waists? I mean, she *IS* a belly dancer after all *whistles innocently*)
Oh, something interesting I learned yesterday: Many people feel that simply because many people have 3rd grade reading levels in the US, that our medical insurance policy should be accessible to them on that level, and that they should not be held responsible for understanding their own health care. Disclaimer: I do not abide Stupid People. Sub-Text: The difference between ignorance and stupidity, is Ignorance can be taught.
LISTEN! If *ANYONE* is responsible for your health care and understanding your insurance policies.. Its you. Not your provider, not your sister, brother, mother, uncle. Believe me, I worked in member services answering questions about medical insurance, we can make it understandable if you don't try to make it harder than it is.
LEARN your policies people.. Just do it. And for gods sake, *ASK* why the doctor wants to stick a metal-hooba-joob up your butt before you let him do it..
This has been your Medical Insurance Service Announcement.
Aodhan Out.
So I've just settled down after a nice afternoon meal of grilled chicken sammy on wheat bread with lettuce and tomato and onion.. Yum. Just yum. Its been an interesting morning, my first two hours of phone calls went fabulously, no stress, no worry. Just hammerin' 'em out, one after another, and gettin' things down pat.
Its nice to know I'll be settling into my new home away from home soon. The calls are almost deceptively easy, and I've seen a few of the more complex ones whilst sitting with other folks. And some of the stuff, of course, I'll have to check time and time again to make sure I'm getting it right. But all in all, its cake.
Time this week has, when not at work, begun to creep down to a slow crawl. You see, this Friday I'm off to see Zarhah, and of course in the meantime I'm waiting for the week to end anxiously. Yes yes.. If you know me at all, this is ALREADY getting old, though I fear for poor Zarhah the most. I'm sure the days pass with no more alacrity for her than I, and then to hear me gripe about it.. Well.. *shrugs*
Not sure about this sunshine mind you, I'm rather hoping that come the end of the week there will be something a little more mild to accompany my visit to the Great Northern Wastes. (Or is that Great Northern Waists? I mean, she *IS* a belly dancer after all *whistles innocently*)
Oh, something interesting I learned yesterday: Many people feel that simply because many people have 3rd grade reading levels in the US, that our medical insurance policy should be accessible to them on that level, and that they should not be held responsible for understanding their own health care. Disclaimer: I do not abide Stupid People. Sub-Text: The difference between ignorance and stupidity, is Ignorance can be taught.
LISTEN! If *ANYONE* is responsible for your health care and understanding your insurance policies.. Its you. Not your provider, not your sister, brother, mother, uncle. Believe me, I worked in member services answering questions about medical insurance, we can make it understandable if you don't try to make it harder than it is.
LEARN your policies people.. Just do it. And for gods sake, *ASK* why the doctor wants to stick a metal-hooba-joob up your butt before you let him do it..
This has been your Medical Insurance Service Announcement.
Aodhan Out.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Set the controls for the heart of the sun..
You want to know how hot today is? I'll tell you how hot today is. I feel like I'm on an Adder class starship trying to get rid of triffles. Or trying to refuel.. Its that fewking hot. I'm serious man, its like Satan declared open season in downtown Tigard, there's a barbeque, and we're all invited, as the main course.
Its our own special little breed of hell down here, my air conditioner is barely making my room habitable by volcano dwelling lava skippers, and they're dancin' on the molten remains of my airmattress, while my computer screams obscenities at me as its poor silicon heart melts down.
HOT! Are you getting the point?
H...
O...
T...
HOT....
Someone PLEASE send help... The Captain of the ships gone crazy, and he's set the controls for the heart of the sun.
Its our own special little breed of hell down here, my air conditioner is barely making my room habitable by volcano dwelling lava skippers, and they're dancin' on the molten remains of my airmattress, while my computer screams obscenities at me as its poor silicon heart melts down.
HOT! Are you getting the point?
H...
O...
T...
HOT....
Someone PLEASE send help... The Captain of the ships gone crazy, and he's set the controls for the heart of the sun.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Reflections
I've found that I dislike going a day without posting *SOMETHING* for my loyal readers. I've been feeling a bit floaty and out of touch this weekend (it happens), and my muse is fickle for both idle chatter and grandiose passages. So today, I offer up, something from... two weeks ago
now is it? Or there about?
I'll not lie, I thought about editing it a number of times before posting it. But as I've been trying to do with most things, I decided to let it stand as written. Leave us not worry about who Raven is for now, know only that she was someone of significance in my life for awhile.
So here for you, noble readers, is one of my rants, unfiltered.
" Raven made me feel alive for awhile, her light shed beams into dark places, but in time, it faded, and I was in a winter landscape again And so I walked into the wasteland again, and there was Zarhah, who brought light back, this morning I woke, and she messaged me before heading off to work, and it made my day, melted the ice a bit deeper
now is it? Or there about?
I'll not lie, I thought about editing it a number of times before posting it. But as I've been trying to do with most things, I decided to let it stand as written. Leave us not worry about who Raven is for now, know only that she was someone of significance in my life for awhile.
So here for you, noble readers, is one of my rants, unfiltered.
" Raven made me feel alive for awhile, her light shed beams into dark places, but in time, it faded, and I was in a winter landscape again And so I walked into the wasteland again, and there was Zarhah, who brought light back, this morning I woke, and she messaged me before heading off to work, and it made my day, melted the ice a bit deeper
And I look at myself and the lives of those around me, and wonder Am I living a life to a tune others don't grasp? Is feeling complete with the partnership of another a fallacy,a sign of weakness? Or am I part of a order that lives a life brighter than most normal men?
I revel in emotion, worship at the altar of romance and the exhultation of love I wonder at my life, am I living something divine? Am I more in touch with the heartbeat of reality and life, is it wrong that I am never so strong and complete as when the love of another touches my life?
Or am I dead inside true, and walking among others who live in the light, and only take the warmth of their internal light to brighten my own?
The passion of music, of utter submission to the realms of Venus and Aphrodite Cupid is my avatar, my companion and completion His arrows are my own, I live by my heart, and my soul screams for things that shake the earth to its foundations
*shakes his head* I wonder, do I use others for what they feed in me, or do I share with them something others have lost
Nothing enrages me so much as people who have lived so long together, and submitted to comfort over the fire of true life, that they have become nothing more than live in companions, with occasional benefits
Nothing is so righteous, so gestalt, as the fire that those who are in love, and don't fear to be consumed by it, that they shed light on everyone around them, breaking through the banality that others allow themselves to succumb to
. I refuse to let myself die, to let that passion and angst of youth die It is THEN that we are alive, and strong, and in glorious rapture in the exhultation of simply being alive We resonate when we find the love of another who shines so deeply Am I wrong to want that, not just now, not just tomorrow, but for every moment of my life from here on out?
And How that relates to now
I look inside, and wonder at 'right' At 'right' at feeling this way over another so soon, and yet I know how it feels A simple word, nothing grandiose, just A simple contact in the morning
Looking forward to that someone showing up in the evening, and the simple pleasure of chatting with them And yet it makes me glow I have no answers for myself, I know only what I feel I do not like questioning it, and yet I wonder Should I?"
Friday, June 23, 2006
Today is totally Nineteen
*bah* I have this thing kicking around in my head, and its not quite ready to be unleashed, but I'm hoping it will soon. Its a slightly darker shade of red than the vibrant flow of love, far closer to the rich mahogany of drying blood. Its full of glinting eyes and sharpened teeth, and it wants to come play. A conversation about Fight Club sparked it off, the words starting dancing through my head wanting to be put down. But they're not quite ready yet.. Need to let them simmer more.
But anyway! On a more cheerful subject. Today has been a most wonderful day, bright, sunny, and productive at the office. Its also my last day in the training room, starting Monday afternoon I'll be out on the floor at a desk, actually taking and processing calls. That, in and of itself, will be a vast improvement. I'm desperately ready to dig my fingers into this job. Oh yes, and its *PAYDAY* can ya dig it? Not that I can cash my check until I get home.. But 'meh'.. That'll be fine all things considered.
Because, of course, once I get my own desk. I can bring in the four mini-fans, the miniature air conditioner that will live on my floor, the Ivy that I intend to grow within my cubicle, a number of fountains, and slowly but surely, decoration for my drab walls, to consist of images of my Zarhah, my children, events and places I wish to visit, as well as a few skillfully placed speakers to provide some nice ambient sound. This is not my cubicle, this is my citadel.
Yes.. For those of you who may have popped over earlier, I stripped out a post and made it two. :) They seemed to need seperate titles.
Cool points awarded to the first person who can identify what the title of this post means, and where its from.
But anyway! On a more cheerful subject. Today has been a most wonderful day, bright, sunny, and productive at the office. Its also my last day in the training room, starting Monday afternoon I'll be out on the floor at a desk, actually taking and processing calls. That, in and of itself, will be a vast improvement. I'm desperately ready to dig my fingers into this job. Oh yes, and its *PAYDAY* can ya dig it? Not that I can cash my check until I get home.. But 'meh'.. That'll be fine all things considered.
Because, of course, once I get my own desk. I can bring in the four mini-fans, the miniature air conditioner that will live on my floor, the Ivy that I intend to grow within my cubicle, a number of fountains, and slowly but surely, decoration for my drab walls, to consist of images of my Zarhah, my children, events and places I wish to visit, as well as a few skillfully placed speakers to provide some nice ambient sound. This is not my cubicle, this is my citadel.
Yes.. For those of you who may have popped over earlier, I stripped out a post and made it two. :) They seemed to need seperate titles.
Cool points awarded to the first person who can identify what the title of this post means, and where its from.
It ain't easy being green.
I just had a sudden realization.. One that strikes me as rather interesting. As anyone in the US knows, gas prices are atrocious nation wide. And many of us blame Bush for this, I know he's at least one of my suspects. But consider the following: With High Gas prices, the push for alternative fuel engines has been increased, making them available, and cheaply, to the American Public within the next 5-10 years. (Note the steady incline in prices over that time period). Now... Lets assume for a moment that the automotive industry knew that without some impetous the alternative fuel engines would never catch on, and it'd be a pain in the ass to continue to produce said engines in conjunction with the old pure petrol engines. Its far more cost effective to specialize. Now consider that they *WANT* to move to this new mixed-fuel/hybrid vehicles, after all, why not? Production of repair parts for these vehicles is going to be higher, and results in an overall increase in profits for the company. But those PESKY Petrol cars!
So.. In conjunction with the gas companies, the automotive industry starts designs. The gas industry continues to raise prices (after all, if they're doing it consistantly across the board, they only make profits while helping their sister companies, the auto manufacturers). Now that prices are up to over 3$ a gallon, the auto-industry says 'Hey.. Here.. Look at these nifty new cars'. People who wouldn't have considered looking at such a 'Niche' or 'Green' vehicle 2 years ago, are suddenly AVIDLY persuing the idea of these alternative fuel cars. Now.. Gas companies stand to make an increased profit here also, because now they can DIVERSIFY. Sure, until now, they've been leaning on a stock of products made from one source. Which admittedly, is a pretty broad range of things. But now, voila, they have an entire new field to expand into, which will only increase their profits over time. And a public desperate to have both the automotive industries new miracles, and the gas companies new products, without eliminating the reliance on the former products.
Now consider: We know we're running out of oil, or at any rate its becoming less cost effective to collect. And with all the environmental protections in place to protect most of the remaining oil sources. (Alaska, IE) Its becoming more costly just to get the rights to build those costly facilities. And Hydrogen/Methane/Etc can be made anywhere, relatively cheaply. So.. Doesn't it make sense for the gas companies to deliberately drive us away from their products (which have a limited amount remaining) to their sister companies new products, which will, in time, drag them back to the Gas companies *NEW* products?
By spreading out the gasoline consumption with other fuels, we get lower prices on gasoline, new products to fuel our new vehicles, an overall greener environment, and a sustainable fuel source to keep the gas companies income running steady.
Now you ask what my point is. Guess what.. I'm not telling you. But maybe we could pause a moment, and reflect on what this all really means.. Compared to what we've seen the high prices as meaning.
Suddenly... America is scrabbling to be Green. And not even knowing it.
So.. In conjunction with the gas companies, the automotive industry starts designs. The gas industry continues to raise prices (after all, if they're doing it consistantly across the board, they only make profits while helping their sister companies, the auto manufacturers). Now that prices are up to over 3$ a gallon, the auto-industry says 'Hey.. Here.. Look at these nifty new cars'. People who wouldn't have considered looking at such a 'Niche' or 'Green' vehicle 2 years ago, are suddenly AVIDLY persuing the idea of these alternative fuel cars. Now.. Gas companies stand to make an increased profit here also, because now they can DIVERSIFY. Sure, until now, they've been leaning on a stock of products made from one source. Which admittedly, is a pretty broad range of things. But now, voila, they have an entire new field to expand into, which will only increase their profits over time. And a public desperate to have both the automotive industries new miracles, and the gas companies new products, without eliminating the reliance on the former products.
Now consider: We know we're running out of oil, or at any rate its becoming less cost effective to collect. And with all the environmental protections in place to protect most of the remaining oil sources. (Alaska, IE) Its becoming more costly just to get the rights to build those costly facilities. And Hydrogen/Methane/Etc can be made anywhere, relatively cheaply. So.. Doesn't it make sense for the gas companies to deliberately drive us away from their products (which have a limited amount remaining) to their sister companies new products, which will, in time, drag them back to the Gas companies *NEW* products?
By spreading out the gasoline consumption with other fuels, we get lower prices on gasoline, new products to fuel our new vehicles, an overall greener environment, and a sustainable fuel source to keep the gas companies income running steady.
Now you ask what my point is. Guess what.. I'm not telling you. But maybe we could pause a moment, and reflect on what this all really means.. Compared to what we've seen the high prices as meaning.
Suddenly... America is scrabbling to be Green. And not even knowing it.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Its a simply beautiful day.
So I'm coming home from work today, and it occurs to me that I'm in an incredibly... stable.. No.. *thinks* I'm just happy. A simple kind of happy. The kind where the sun shine seeps below your skin without making you uncomfortably hot, where the breeze is just the right temperature, and a simple drive is all it takes to bring a smile to your lips.
And it occurs to me, thinking through all this. That this is the first time I can remember being 'simply happy' in a very long time. And so I think to myself.. What caused this simple happiness? And the answer I find.. "You are content."
And thats the truth of it my friends.. I'm simply content. I've got a job I love, roommates I don't want to kill. And I spent a long night last night with my mate, just... Talking and being together, even with so many miles seperating us. Incredibly simple pleasures, and it has led to making all feel right with the world today. *chuckles* My trip north in a week might have something to do with it as well.
But no matter what, I'm simply happy today. Simply content.
And what could be better than that?
And it occurs to me, thinking through all this. That this is the first time I can remember being 'simply happy' in a very long time. And so I think to myself.. What caused this simple happiness? And the answer I find.. "You are content."
And thats the truth of it my friends.. I'm simply content. I've got a job I love, roommates I don't want to kill. And I spent a long night last night with my mate, just... Talking and being together, even with so many miles seperating us. Incredibly simple pleasures, and it has led to making all feel right with the world today. *chuckles* My trip north in a week might have something to do with it as well.
But no matter what, I'm simply happy today. Simply content.
And what could be better than that?
Revelations at Midnight...
The battery on the cordless phone in my house lasts approximately 5 hours, before giving up the ghost completely.
What? You were expecting something profound? *looks at previous posts* Ok.. I suppose that isn't *ENTIRELY* an unacceptable expectation given the previous posts. But nope, that was it. Zarhah and I talked from nearly the time she got off work till my phone just gave up the ghost at 11:45pm. Which looking back on it, was likely a "Very Good Thing(tm)", considering that I had to get up at 6am to go to work this morning. (Once again, my ride was leaving EARLY.. He's no happier about it than I am).
Other revelations. Sometimes just being on the phone, even when you're not really talking about much, is a close and lovely comfort. Most of the time she and I were on the phone, I was in the living room, playing Oblivion, and we were just idly chit-chatting back and forth (oh yeah, and I was swearing vehemently at the stupid hunters in 'Caught in the Hunt' that wouldn't leave me the *?$!!@#! alone!). It was a very companionable way to spend the evening. As she put it 'It was sweet, we were just both doin' our own thing, and yet we were right there, talkin' about nothin' in particular, with bursts of topic'.
And I think in the end, thats a very important facet of a functioning relationship. The ability to be together in companionable quiet, just doing those things you've always done, without the need of constant conversation, and yet still communicating. *smiles* The more I think back on it, the more I can honestly say it was one of the nicest evenings I've had in awhile.
Oh.. and Zarhah darlin'. I confirmed with Eric this morning. He was, as I suspected, just being a complete butthead.
Incidentally folks, my roommate has described me as 'Think of me, only shorter and with hair', to his wife. And ya know.. The sad thing is.. She still had me move in! And now she starts shaking her head when we start having a 'Very Unique Moment'. Such as randomly spouting off with 'M-nuh M-nuh' from the Muppets.. Or the Time Warp.. Or arguing whether 24 deviled eggs=12 whole eggs, or 24 whole eggs. (My answer is 24 deviled eggs = 12 whole eggs.. He says thats only 12 devil.... Oh nevermind...) And whether you measure puppies from tip of nose to tip of tail, or to the bottom of their paws. Don't ask, Erics nuts, and so am I.
So anyway, I'm a little better rested, and a little brighter and cheerier this early in the morning than I usually am today. Oh.. And somebody ask Zarhah how telling her mother that she found someone went.. I was highly amused. (And remember, the correct answers are 'Yes I like Red Dwarf' and 'Yes I like Opera' if you ever meet her mom... Ya know.. I'm just sayin')
Anyway, its off to work now.. Yippee Ki-yay! *blerk*
What? You were expecting something profound? *looks at previous posts* Ok.. I suppose that isn't *ENTIRELY* an unacceptable expectation given the previous posts. But nope, that was it. Zarhah and I talked from nearly the time she got off work till my phone just gave up the ghost at 11:45pm. Which looking back on it, was likely a "Very Good Thing(tm)", considering that I had to get up at 6am to go to work this morning. (Once again, my ride was leaving EARLY.. He's no happier about it than I am).
Other revelations. Sometimes just being on the phone, even when you're not really talking about much, is a close and lovely comfort. Most of the time she and I were on the phone, I was in the living room, playing Oblivion, and we were just idly chit-chatting back and forth (oh yeah, and I was swearing vehemently at the stupid hunters in 'Caught in the Hunt' that wouldn't leave me the *?$!!@#! alone!). It was a very companionable way to spend the evening. As she put it 'It was sweet, we were just both doin' our own thing, and yet we were right there, talkin' about nothin' in particular, with bursts of topic'.
And I think in the end, thats a very important facet of a functioning relationship. The ability to be together in companionable quiet, just doing those things you've always done, without the need of constant conversation, and yet still communicating. *smiles* The more I think back on it, the more I can honestly say it was one of the nicest evenings I've had in awhile.
Oh.. and Zarhah darlin'. I confirmed with Eric this morning. He was, as I suspected, just being a complete butthead.
Incidentally folks, my roommate has described me as 'Think of me, only shorter and with hair', to his wife. And ya know.. The sad thing is.. She still had me move in! And now she starts shaking her head when we start having a 'Very Unique Moment'. Such as randomly spouting off with 'M-nuh M-nuh' from the Muppets.. Or the Time Warp.. Or arguing whether 24 deviled eggs=12 whole eggs, or 24 whole eggs. (My answer is 24 deviled eggs = 12 whole eggs.. He says thats only 12 devil.... Oh nevermind...) And whether you measure puppies from tip of nose to tip of tail, or to the bottom of their paws. Don't ask, Erics nuts, and so am I.
So anyway, I'm a little better rested, and a little brighter and cheerier this early in the morning than I usually am today. Oh.. And somebody ask Zarhah how telling her mother that she found someone went.. I was highly amused. (And remember, the correct answers are 'Yes I like Red Dwarf' and 'Yes I like Opera' if you ever meet her mom... Ya know.. I'm just sayin')
Anyway, its off to work now.. Yippee Ki-yay! *blerk*
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
A little touch of courtesy
*Found on a forum I frequent*
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones,
young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love,
you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He p! icked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.
"By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,and
I do like the flowers,
especially the blue."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Its true, ya know, and sad in its way. We usually take such care to be polite to strangers, at least in the common courtesy ways. But grow so used to the people closest to us in our lives that we forget to treat them with a little love and kindness, even as we treat them to the big ones
.
Remember, like love, a family can live on large filling meals.
But its the dessert that makes life sweet.
FAMILY
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones,
young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love,
you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He p! icked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.
"By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,and
I do like the flowers,
especially the blue."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Its true, ya know, and sad in its way. We usually take such care to be polite to strangers, at least in the common courtesy ways. But grow so used to the people closest to us in our lives that we forget to treat them with a little love and kindness, even as we treat them to the big ones
.
Remember, like love, a family can live on large filling meals.
But its the dessert that makes life sweet.
A day in the sun.
Ahhh yess. Another spank-tastically fun morning at work today learning systems. But by god, we *ARE* learning something. I'm finding that my experience and contact with the medical field is making things come simpler to my mind, as there's plenty of background information for me to draw on to make sense of it all.
*hmms* Thoughts for the day... Well.. *chuckles* Guitar music.. Yeah.. It sometimes strikes me how nice a simple guitar can be, all by itself. There's this tapestry of sound without words, without anything but the guitar itself. Its like a blank canvas, or perhaps a paint-by-color sense to the music. The structure is there, but you can paint the image however you like. I feel this is part of the appeal of music like classical and such. And for me, to a degree, music in languages I don't understand. You take the soul and heart of emotion out of the song, and then make the song your own by the images it brings to mind.
For instance.. Today I'm listening to 'Fingerdance' by Billy McCullugh , sent to me this morning by that Z person.. Yeah yeah, I'm sure yer all sick o'hearin' about her by now. But.. Tough.. *ZARHAH* sent it to me. :) Kind of a morning tradition it seems, or just a tradition in general. Kind of like that first morning hello sent before she zaps off to work for the day. But I digress. The point is, its a light and upbeat little guitar tune, and it makes me think of days spent in the spring warmth, iced tea set out in a large glass container, slices of lemon and teabags floating in the deep golden brown of tea, as condensation beads on the outside. Arranged invitingly alongside is a plate of small cakes and vegetables with ranch dip. (Yay ranch dip!)
Nearby is a garden, and diligently working in it can be found her and I, hands in the dirt, face in the sun, and perfectly content rooting out weeds and rocks from amongst the garden to be. Swirling through the air can be heard the buzz of the seasons first bees, seeking the seasons flowers, to later be used in making all sorts of delicious sweets. Scratching around us are the chickens, and ducks happily go about hunting slugs whilst a goat looks at us passively from its stall where it chews its cud.
And the day seems simply perfect.
I really am a simple creature, with simple desires, though I also dearly love to dance along the edge of the complex and strange. Its always here I feel most at home. A simple day, with simple pleasures, followed by quiet evenings 'neath starry skies. Such should be the heartbeat of every life, don't you think?
*hmms* Thoughts for the day... Well.. *chuckles* Guitar music.. Yeah.. It sometimes strikes me how nice a simple guitar can be, all by itself. There's this tapestry of sound without words, without anything but the guitar itself. Its like a blank canvas, or perhaps a paint-by-color sense to the music. The structure is there, but you can paint the image however you like. I feel this is part of the appeal of music like classical and such. And for me, to a degree, music in languages I don't understand. You take the soul and heart of emotion out of the song, and then make the song your own by the images it brings to mind.
For instance.. Today I'm listening to 'Fingerdance' by Billy McCullugh , sent to me this morning by that Z person.. Yeah yeah, I'm sure yer all sick o'hearin' about her by now. But.. Tough.. *ZARHAH* sent it to me. :) Kind of a morning tradition it seems, or just a tradition in general. Kind of like that first morning hello sent before she zaps off to work for the day. But I digress. The point is, its a light and upbeat little guitar tune, and it makes me think of days spent in the spring warmth, iced tea set out in a large glass container, slices of lemon and teabags floating in the deep golden brown of tea, as condensation beads on the outside. Arranged invitingly alongside is a plate of small cakes and vegetables with ranch dip. (Yay ranch dip!)
Nearby is a garden, and diligently working in it can be found her and I, hands in the dirt, face in the sun, and perfectly content rooting out weeds and rocks from amongst the garden to be. Swirling through the air can be heard the buzz of the seasons first bees, seeking the seasons flowers, to later be used in making all sorts of delicious sweets. Scratching around us are the chickens, and ducks happily go about hunting slugs whilst a goat looks at us passively from its stall where it chews its cud.
And the day seems simply perfect.
I really am a simple creature, with simple desires, though I also dearly love to dance along the edge of the complex and strange. Its always here I feel most at home. A simple day, with simple pleasures, followed by quiet evenings 'neath starry skies. Such should be the heartbeat of every life, don't you think?
Chanticleer your name is... Dinner.
Rolled out of bed this morning, almost literally, at 6:45pm. Let me tell you what a glorious time of day 6:45 is.. Oh wait.. I can't. This morning at least, it blew ovines with voracious intensity. *shrugs* Or I'm just bein' pissy, which is an equal likelihood. But then hey, I'm still wakin' up.
I suddenly have a trip planned north on the 30th, off t' see Zarhah, yon light of my heart. Its my birthday that weekend (The 4th of July), and whilst I am somewhat aggravated that I must leave at a mere 5pm on that day, I certainly can't complain that I get to spend the 30th-4th with her. *grins* Happy B-day to me!
Oh, yeah, and for those of you that didn't know, the 4th is my birthday. So no fireworks this year, email me for my address, so you can enclose the funds for my birthday present from the world. With any luck, you'll drop enough in my account for us to go to India. (More likely, I'll be able to buy a postcard with a picture of India on it. Ya cheap bastiches. :-p)
So.. Morning.. Things to look forward to. Well, there's always talkin' t'my love, though that won't happen until sometime this evening.. So.. A bit of a ways off, not really on the list of things to look forward to this mornin'. *hmmmm* AH! Donuts and Bagels! heh heh heh. Sweet sweet providence hath rained iniquity upon our instructor. Specifically, he left us alone in the classroom for 1.5 hours yesterday, having forgotten the person who 'should' be teaching us had a meeting that day. By way of apologies he brings forth many sweet and tasty pastries to be set upon the altar of 'Ooops.. I screwed up'.
*looks at the lot of you* What? I'm a passionate guy and all, but you couldn't have expected this Blog to be *ALL* songs and sonnets could ya? I mean *REALLY*.. Sheesh. Besides.. I've kind of taken to enjoying prattling at my inured readers of late.. It has become something of a touch-point in my day.. Now.. If only I knew who all you people were. *peers* Hey.. Ya know what, there's a comment box down there. *points down* Write ya scurvy blaggards! (Those that haven't, that is).
*looks at the clock* Well.. 10 minutes till I'm supposed to be in class. How wonderfully fun and cheery that is. Well, truly, today should be better. The first two days were spent getting our systems up and running, and that in and of itself was inanely boring. I'm sure in the coming week or two, I'll be BEGGING for an hour or two of quiet where nothins goin' on. But for now, its getting these systems learned so that I may inter myself in my cubicle. Bwahaahhaha.. There will be fountains and Ivy and a number of fans in my cubicle.. A veritable Mecca of peace, serenity.. And scantily clad fantasy women calendars.
*looks at the assembled* WHAT?
I suddenly have a trip planned north on the 30th, off t' see Zarhah, yon light of my heart. Its my birthday that weekend (The 4th of July), and whilst I am somewhat aggravated that I must leave at a mere 5pm on that day, I certainly can't complain that I get to spend the 30th-4th with her. *grins* Happy B-day to me!
Oh, yeah, and for those of you that didn't know, the 4th is my birthday. So no fireworks this year, email me for my address, so you can enclose the funds for my birthday present from the world. With any luck, you'll drop enough in my account for us to go to India. (More likely, I'll be able to buy a postcard with a picture of India on it. Ya cheap bastiches. :-p)
So.. Morning.. Things to look forward to. Well, there's always talkin' t'my love, though that won't happen until sometime this evening.. So.. A bit of a ways off, not really on the list of things to look forward to this mornin'. *hmmmm* AH! Donuts and Bagels! heh heh heh. Sweet sweet providence hath rained iniquity upon our instructor. Specifically, he left us alone in the classroom for 1.5 hours yesterday, having forgotten the person who 'should' be teaching us had a meeting that day. By way of apologies he brings forth many sweet and tasty pastries to be set upon the altar of 'Ooops.. I screwed up'.
*looks at the lot of you* What? I'm a passionate guy and all, but you couldn't have expected this Blog to be *ALL* songs and sonnets could ya? I mean *REALLY*.. Sheesh. Besides.. I've kind of taken to enjoying prattling at my inured readers of late.. It has become something of a touch-point in my day.. Now.. If only I knew who all you people were. *peers* Hey.. Ya know what, there's a comment box down there. *points down* Write ya scurvy blaggards! (Those that haven't, that is).
*looks at the clock* Well.. 10 minutes till I'm supposed to be in class. How wonderfully fun and cheery that is. Well, truly, today should be better. The first two days were spent getting our systems up and running, and that in and of itself was inanely boring. I'm sure in the coming week or two, I'll be BEGGING for an hour or two of quiet where nothins goin' on. But for now, its getting these systems learned so that I may inter myself in my cubicle. Bwahaahhaha.. There will be fountains and Ivy and a number of fans in my cubicle.. A veritable Mecca of peace, serenity.. And scantily clad fantasy women calendars.
*looks at the assembled* WHAT?
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
The Long Dark teatime of the soul...
Otherwise known as one hour lunches at a desk job, where you don't have your own desk yet. Though there's something to be said for sitting in the lunch area, and watching the play of people around you. I got quite a good laugh out of the gaggle of asian ladies sitting at a table near mine. I don't catch most of what they're saying, primarily because, as usual, I have my nose in a book. But one exchange catches my ear:
"Where'd you meet him?"
"Online"
*series of gasps, one lady wags her finger at the first*
*blinks a little* I find it somehow amusing that people think that meeting someone at a store, or in the course of your job, or.. *gasp* AT A BAR.. Is somehow better than meeting them online. Let me tell ya folks, bein' face to face ain't no insurance policy against lying, or deciet, or any of the other petty little things that end up hurting people so much. So why in gods name do you think they'd be any more honest face to face.. *shrugs* Catch up.. I mean really. This is the 21st Century (Mind you, I'm still waiting for my personal flying cars and house-maid robots), but other than that, society is changing, and it sounds like this ladies friends need to get on board.
Which.. Now that I think about it.. Is kinda ironic coming from an anachronist like myself.
Zarhah and I were talking about a Yurt my best friends parents own. And she mentioned how she had considered getting one. My thought was 'Yeah, but there's that whole 'no electricity' thing'. 'Why? You can run electricity into a Yurt'. Problem is, to my way of thinkin', thats like settin' up an adult book store in the Vatican. Its a *YURT* for gods sake! *shrugs* On the other hand... I don't know how well I'd cope without my computer...
After all.. I couldn't deprive you, my loyal readers, of my words of wisdom... Why.. God only knows what would become of you if I did that. ;)
And on that note, the lunch time is over, and I must go back to 'learning' *cough cough* again.
Don't die.. Thats an order.
"Where'd you meet him?"
"Online"
*series of gasps, one lady wags her finger at the first*
*blinks a little* I find it somehow amusing that people think that meeting someone at a store, or in the course of your job, or.. *gasp* AT A BAR.. Is somehow better than meeting them online. Let me tell ya folks, bein' face to face ain't no insurance policy against lying, or deciet, or any of the other petty little things that end up hurting people so much. So why in gods name do you think they'd be any more honest face to face.. *shrugs* Catch up.. I mean really. This is the 21st Century (Mind you, I'm still waiting for my personal flying cars and house-maid robots), but other than that, society is changing, and it sounds like this ladies friends need to get on board.
Which.. Now that I think about it.. Is kinda ironic coming from an anachronist like myself.
Zarhah and I were talking about a Yurt my best friends parents own. And she mentioned how she had considered getting one. My thought was 'Yeah, but there's that whole 'no electricity' thing'. 'Why? You can run electricity into a Yurt'. Problem is, to my way of thinkin', thats like settin' up an adult book store in the Vatican. Its a *YURT* for gods sake! *shrugs* On the other hand... I don't know how well I'd cope without my computer...
After all.. I couldn't deprive you, my loyal readers, of my words of wisdom... Why.. God only knows what would become of you if I did that. ;)
And on that note, the lunch time is over, and I must go back to 'learning' *cough cough* again.
Don't die.. Thats an order.
Monday, June 19, 2006
True Love is Boring
"True love, like any other strong and addicting drug, is boring -- once the tale of encounter and discovery is told, kisses quickly grow stale and caresses tiresome... except, of course, to those who share the kisses, who give and take the caresses while every sound and color of the world seems to deepen and brighten around them. As with any other strong drug, true love is really only interesting to those who have become its prisoners..." - Stephen King 'Dark Tower IV: Wizard and Glass"
Behold.. The power of love.
Good morning gentle readers.. And welcome to my first day of work. Long awaited it may be, but after last night.. and waking up at *3:30am* this morning just raring to begin studying. Its going to be a *LONG* day. But it started out right.
As the title of my Blog says at this point... "Love is what magic will be when it grows up".
For those who've ever doubted the power of love to change your life, and the lives of those around you. Observe
If I had any doubt of the forces moving in my life, well.. Lets just say I don't anymore. I apologize for not being as eloquent as I usually am. But today, it seems that Life is doing my talking for me. What could I possibly say to match this.
So let me thank you, Zarhah love. For it is what you brought out in me, that I shared with others, that led to this womans long grief finally beginning to heal.
As the title of my Blog says at this point... "Love is what magic will be when it grows up".
For those who've ever doubted the power of love to change your life, and the lives of those around you. Observe
If I had any doubt of the forces moving in my life, well.. Lets just say I don't anymore. I apologize for not being as eloquent as I usually am. But today, it seems that Life is doing my talking for me. What could I possibly say to match this.
So let me thank you, Zarhah love. For it is what you brought out in me, that I shared with others, that led to this womans long grief finally beginning to heal.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Coming of age.
Good evening good readers... Though its nearly morning. As usual, I have mountains to say, and just no idea of how to start. Its not a well known fact to many that I've been fighting an on-going battle with God. Yes.. That one. I've been Wiccan for many many years, but lately its all begun to feel very hollow. Very empty of what I used to find in it. And more and more, I found myself looking back into my life, and wondering about christianity. And I can't count the number of times somewhat recently, that I've found myself on the porch, looking up at the moon, and thinking about falling to my knees and crying out to him.
But my pride held me back. And more than that, fear. I've been Wiccan for *14* years, fully half of my life. To change this about myself, to give up on my faith of so many years. What would that mean? How could I turn my back on so much time. I kept running into people, who made me long to look, to turn away, and turn back to him. But always my fear kept me back.
I'm still afraid.
But they say that God works in mysterious ways. And apparently.. Its true. He made the fight easy for me. He played the Godfather. He gave me an offer I couldn't refuse. But.. Hear me out.
The light of my heart came to realization this past weekend. She realized she didn't know much of what I believed, but from what she'd heard others saying about it, she was concerned. So we started talking about it tonight. And she listened, and we talked. And she was in tears by the end of it, because she didn't know if it was something she could resolve within herself. To cross this boundary. She likened it, rather appropriately, to 'Fiddler on the Roof'. "If I bend that far, I'll break." But she was going to try. I could tell she didn't have much hope for it. By this point, I'd already admitted that my faith was weak, at the very beginning, before we got here. Its more than I've ever admitted to anyone.
And as we were both sitting there, our hearts breaking that this one thing should cause such turmoil... Call it his voice.. Call it my own.. Call it what you like. I heard a voice inside me say... "Is something you are so unsure of.. Worth it.. Is it worth this, when you've wanted to let go for so long anyway?" And let me tell you.. There have been plenty of signs. There's a friend who I respect a great deal, who I hate talking to.. Because whenever we get on the subject of faith. He made me want to believe as he did. That HURT. Its scary now... But the final straw was something I feared more than God. And that was losing someone who so quickly, has become so dear to me. That has made me alive, and glow, and utterly FLOWING with light. I haven't loved like this since childhood. So I told her this.. I talked to her about it. And most of all wanted her to know that I wasn't doing it for her.
I'm doing it for me....
So after 14 years of something I thought I believed. That I fought to believe.. I'm laying it down.. And listening to my heart. For the sake of my heart.
Watch out God.....
Here I come.
But my pride held me back. And more than that, fear. I've been Wiccan for *14* years, fully half of my life. To change this about myself, to give up on my faith of so many years. What would that mean? How could I turn my back on so much time. I kept running into people, who made me long to look, to turn away, and turn back to him. But always my fear kept me back.
I'm still afraid.
But they say that God works in mysterious ways. And apparently.. Its true. He made the fight easy for me. He played the Godfather. He gave me an offer I couldn't refuse. But.. Hear me out.
The light of my heart came to realization this past weekend. She realized she didn't know much of what I believed, but from what she'd heard others saying about it, she was concerned. So we started talking about it tonight. And she listened, and we talked. And she was in tears by the end of it, because she didn't know if it was something she could resolve within herself. To cross this boundary. She likened it, rather appropriately, to 'Fiddler on the Roof'. "If I bend that far, I'll break." But she was going to try. I could tell she didn't have much hope for it. By this point, I'd already admitted that my faith was weak, at the very beginning, before we got here. Its more than I've ever admitted to anyone.
And as we were both sitting there, our hearts breaking that this one thing should cause such turmoil... Call it his voice.. Call it my own.. Call it what you like. I heard a voice inside me say... "Is something you are so unsure of.. Worth it.. Is it worth this, when you've wanted to let go for so long anyway?" And let me tell you.. There have been plenty of signs. There's a friend who I respect a great deal, who I hate talking to.. Because whenever we get on the subject of faith. He made me want to believe as he did. That HURT. Its scary now... But the final straw was something I feared more than God. And that was losing someone who so quickly, has become so dear to me. That has made me alive, and glow, and utterly FLOWING with light. I haven't loved like this since childhood. So I told her this.. I talked to her about it. And most of all wanted her to know that I wasn't doing it for her.
I'm doing it for me....
So after 14 years of something I thought I believed. That I fought to believe.. I'm laying it down.. And listening to my heart. For the sake of my heart.
Watch out God.....
Here I come.
The Piper at the gates of dawn or: Sliding in Autumn
Quote of the day: All of this world, is for children who play.
Good morning gentle readers, and welcome. Come, sit by the stream under the willow trees and have a cup of tea. Its fresh off the fire. I hope the day finds you well, as it finds me pleasant enough. Today is another almost perfect day. Yesterday finished itself out well, or as well as one could hope for. It is strange to think that out of all of this, she gave me a gift. One she's not quite ready to hear about, but one that is important and significant. I hope one day I'll be able to tell her what that was.
But as today sits... Well... Take that kettle off the fire will you.. over there is fine. As I was saying, today feels a bit like the first day of Autumn. The quiet in the air, still and peaceful. For all that its nearly the first day of Summer. Its more of a 'Autumn of life' type of day. Things are clean and crisp, ready to start again, and ready for that quiet rest that is Winter. For me, Winter has always been a time of beginnings, time to settle and plan, to quietly contemplate what steps to take.
As it has been alot lately, the concept of "Peace" has been on my mind. Its a funny thing, peace. You can't demand it, can't shake your fist at life and declare 'I will be peaceful!'. Its something you have to make, a bit of work, every day, at keeping yourself still. And sometimes being still requires things that are not peaceful, but getting them taken care of will make returning to being peaceful that much easier. And not dealing with them.. Well. Will only make things more difficult, and peace won't come.
So thats my resolution, who needs to wait till New Years? To look at the things that make my life less peaceful, and address them. And as I do that, day by day, well. Things will get more and more peaceful. But I will not seek out the things that make my life less peaceful, lest I find things that arent there. I will merely address them when I come to them, each in their own time. And nothing will I rush, like a leaf in the stream, I will go where the waters take me, content to know that the river knows its way.
My words and suggestion to each of you today. Find your peace. Find your inner self, and talk to it. For most of us its been trying to talk to us for a very long time, and we've just not had ears to listen. And a piece of wisdom from our dear Cornelius. "Let everything that doesn't matter, truly slide."
Good morning gentle readers, and welcome. Come, sit by the stream under the willow trees and have a cup of tea. Its fresh off the fire. I hope the day finds you well, as it finds me pleasant enough. Today is another almost perfect day. Yesterday finished itself out well, or as well as one could hope for. It is strange to think that out of all of this, she gave me a gift. One she's not quite ready to hear about, but one that is important and significant. I hope one day I'll be able to tell her what that was.
But as today sits... Well... Take that kettle off the fire will you.. over there is fine. As I was saying, today feels a bit like the first day of Autumn. The quiet in the air, still and peaceful. For all that its nearly the first day of Summer. Its more of a 'Autumn of life' type of day. Things are clean and crisp, ready to start again, and ready for that quiet rest that is Winter. For me, Winter has always been a time of beginnings, time to settle and plan, to quietly contemplate what steps to take.
As it has been alot lately, the concept of "Peace" has been on my mind. Its a funny thing, peace. You can't demand it, can't shake your fist at life and declare 'I will be peaceful!'. Its something you have to make, a bit of work, every day, at keeping yourself still. And sometimes being still requires things that are not peaceful, but getting them taken care of will make returning to being peaceful that much easier. And not dealing with them.. Well. Will only make things more difficult, and peace won't come.
So thats my resolution, who needs to wait till New Years? To look at the things that make my life less peaceful, and address them. And as I do that, day by day, well. Things will get more and more peaceful. But I will not seek out the things that make my life less peaceful, lest I find things that arent there. I will merely address them when I come to them, each in their own time. And nothing will I rush, like a leaf in the stream, I will go where the waters take me, content to know that the river knows its way.
My words and suggestion to each of you today. Find your peace. Find your inner self, and talk to it. For most of us its been trying to talk to us for a very long time, and we've just not had ears to listen. And a piece of wisdom from our dear Cornelius. "Let everything that doesn't matter, truly slide."
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Into every life....
I had to do something tonight that was less than pleasant. Two weeks ago, I broke it off with someone. The reasons were complex, but lets just say that it wasn't a door I had intended to close. I had told them I couldn't see anyone else coming along anytime soon, and I certainly wasn't looking.
You want to hear the gods laugh? Tell them your plans.
As anyone who has been reading this Blog can see, someone else did, indeed, come along. Someone who has made me feel more than I have felt in more years than I can remember. And tonight. The other said she wanted to try again. She wanted to be us again. And I had to break her heart. It is easily one of the most unpleasant things I've ever had to do.
The worst part of it is, she was still a dear friend. And as anyone who has been through this knows, all too often, that gets sacrificed on the altar of relationships, if the two people involved aren't strong enough to maintain it. For her it simply wasn't an option. Having been there recently, what could I do but understand?
So the wheel keeps turning, and time moves on. And while I move into the next part of life, into being with the light of my heart. Another starts walking down a lonely road, until she can bring herself back up to find love again.
I hope she finds her wings soon. Everyone needs to fly.
You want to hear the gods laugh? Tell them your plans.
As anyone who has been reading this Blog can see, someone else did, indeed, come along. Someone who has made me feel more than I have felt in more years than I can remember. And tonight. The other said she wanted to try again. She wanted to be us again. And I had to break her heart. It is easily one of the most unpleasant things I've ever had to do.
The worst part of it is, she was still a dear friend. And as anyone who has been through this knows, all too often, that gets sacrificed on the altar of relationships, if the two people involved aren't strong enough to maintain it. For her it simply wasn't an option. Having been there recently, what could I do but understand?
So the wheel keeps turning, and time moves on. And while I move into the next part of life, into being with the light of my heart. Another starts walking down a lonely road, until she can bring herself back up to find love again.
I hope she finds her wings soon. Everyone needs to fly.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Silent Lucidity
Quote of the day: Love is what magic will be when it grows up.
The quiet blanket of evening has settled around me again, as I sit here at this looking glass. The song my love has sent me playing in the dark, broken only by this screen, and a few flickering candles. And I marvel at peace.
There are many who go through their lives, never knowing what I feel right now. I don't have a heart anymore, it has melted and suffused my whole being with a soft radiant light. Do you remember? The first light of love in your life. All the colors seemed brighter, the smells fresher. Your feet scarcely touched the ground. And everything... was perfect.
I do. I remember because I'm 16 again. No. At 16 love was frantic and desperate, overwhelming in its intensity, and threatening to burn you alive at your core. Instead, I feel.. complete. Whole.. Perfect. I know thats been a theme for me today, and laugh if you will, or roll your eyes in cynicism. I can only feel sorry for you, and give you the fondest wish I could have for friend or enemy. May love find you, and change everything. May everything you thought you knew, everything you thought you believed, break like waves upon the shore. Only to reveal a greater truth than anything you ever hoped to see.
For myself.. I walk the green-lit path beneath summer oaks, the sweet rich smell of life in my nose. Every bird sings its songs for me, and they all sing the same word. Zarhah. And if any of you reading this who know her had any question left as to who the light of my heart may have been, its answered now.
We've spent time talking this week, getting to know each other more with each passing day. And yet it feels more like we're getting to know each other again. A familiar presence, the other part of me come home again. I keep trying to tell myself that in my heart I'm falling too fast, too hard. But really, is there such a thing? If it all feels so right, why shouldn't it be? And I emphasize 'trying'. Because my heart isn't listening, it doesn't care. It knows what it wants, and it knows the word that fills its every moment to overflowing.
We talk of quiet evenings, and changing oil, and sitting on the porch, weaving, singing, and watching the sunset. We talk about movies, and the lives we've led. We talk about good sense seeding life on some other planet, as its long since left our side. And all of it feels like coming home.
We follow the roads of our life, and sometimes we take the wrong twists and turns, and wind our way through dark forgotten backroads where the roads are unkempt and potholed. And when we come out of our wilderness, we find this path, that seems to have been there all the time, waiting for us. And when the warmth shakes off the chill of the darkness, and the sun hits our face, and the winds reach up and caress our backs, urging us along, welcoming us home at last. What can we do but just follow?
Set foot to path... and walk into the future.
The quiet blanket of evening has settled around me again, as I sit here at this looking glass. The song my love has sent me playing in the dark, broken only by this screen, and a few flickering candles. And I marvel at peace.
There are many who go through their lives, never knowing what I feel right now. I don't have a heart anymore, it has melted and suffused my whole being with a soft radiant light. Do you remember? The first light of love in your life. All the colors seemed brighter, the smells fresher. Your feet scarcely touched the ground. And everything... was perfect.
I do. I remember because I'm 16 again. No. At 16 love was frantic and desperate, overwhelming in its intensity, and threatening to burn you alive at your core. Instead, I feel.. complete. Whole.. Perfect. I know thats been a theme for me today, and laugh if you will, or roll your eyes in cynicism. I can only feel sorry for you, and give you the fondest wish I could have for friend or enemy. May love find you, and change everything. May everything you thought you knew, everything you thought you believed, break like waves upon the shore. Only to reveal a greater truth than anything you ever hoped to see.
For myself.. I walk the green-lit path beneath summer oaks, the sweet rich smell of life in my nose. Every bird sings its songs for me, and they all sing the same word. Zarhah. And if any of you reading this who know her had any question left as to who the light of my heart may have been, its answered now.
We've spent time talking this week, getting to know each other more with each passing day. And yet it feels more like we're getting to know each other again. A familiar presence, the other part of me come home again. I keep trying to tell myself that in my heart I'm falling too fast, too hard. But really, is there such a thing? If it all feels so right, why shouldn't it be? And I emphasize 'trying'. Because my heart isn't listening, it doesn't care. It knows what it wants, and it knows the word that fills its every moment to overflowing.
We talk of quiet evenings, and changing oil, and sitting on the porch, weaving, singing, and watching the sunset. We talk about movies, and the lives we've led. We talk about good sense seeding life on some other planet, as its long since left our side. And all of it feels like coming home.
We follow the roads of our life, and sometimes we take the wrong twists and turns, and wind our way through dark forgotten backroads where the roads are unkempt and potholed. And when we come out of our wilderness, we find this path, that seems to have been there all the time, waiting for us. And when the warmth shakes off the chill of the darkness, and the sun hits our face, and the winds reach up and caress our backs, urging us along, welcoming us home at last. What can we do but just follow?
Set foot to path... and walk into the future.
Perfect Day
*settles into his chair quietly, a soft smile on his face*
Good morning readers, both present and future. Its early yet, so I've not got a great deal to say. But I wanted to share my awakening this morning. I fell asleep last night, listening to Forever, and awoke to it. And the day was beautiful. The sun had barely cleared the horizon, and already I knew there was nothing that could happen today to take away from the warm feeling I had deep in the darkest recesses of my heart.
It is amazing, when things just.. Become. And I lay there realizing how utterly my life has been shaken in the space of a week. No.. Not Shaken. Made whole. I lay marvelling in the vast dance that is life, and how gentle and soft its moving right now. Every day is like the sun on my face, even when the rain pours outside. And ahh, sweet gentle rain, every lovers favorite weather. What other weather is life making excuses for you to stay inside, curled into the arms of the one you love, with a book and tea, and soft music.
Everything is softened in the rain, the soft mist taking the hard edge off everything, and playing its own quiet music in the background, settling the nervous, the frantic, and just setting you at peace. And what a magical word that is, peace. We do not know how much we truly miss it, till our lives are filled with it. And my life has been filled with it to overflowing, it has touched those around me, and soothed pain. It has proven love, and spoke the language of it in the soft wordless whispers of lovers at dawn.
And then the light of my heart sends me a message, and the day only brightens, and the sense of peace only deepens. Laughter came with the morning, and just the joy of 'hearing' each others voice made the day that much better. And today, as she heads off to work, and spend the weekend camping with a friend. She leaves me this song.. And it sums up everything perfectly.
http://foxlaireinn.primalbeast.com/perfectday.wma
Good morning readers, both present and future. Its early yet, so I've not got a great deal to say. But I wanted to share my awakening this morning. I fell asleep last night, listening to Forever, and awoke to it. And the day was beautiful. The sun had barely cleared the horizon, and already I knew there was nothing that could happen today to take away from the warm feeling I had deep in the darkest recesses of my heart.
It is amazing, when things just.. Become. And I lay there realizing how utterly my life has been shaken in the space of a week. No.. Not Shaken. Made whole. I lay marvelling in the vast dance that is life, and how gentle and soft its moving right now. Every day is like the sun on my face, even when the rain pours outside. And ahh, sweet gentle rain, every lovers favorite weather. What other weather is life making excuses for you to stay inside, curled into the arms of the one you love, with a book and tea, and soft music.
Everything is softened in the rain, the soft mist taking the hard edge off everything, and playing its own quiet music in the background, settling the nervous, the frantic, and just setting you at peace. And what a magical word that is, peace. We do not know how much we truly miss it, till our lives are filled with it. And my life has been filled with it to overflowing, it has touched those around me, and soothed pain. It has proven love, and spoke the language of it in the soft wordless whispers of lovers at dawn.
And then the light of my heart sends me a message, and the day only brightens, and the sense of peace only deepens. Laughter came with the morning, and just the joy of 'hearing' each others voice made the day that much better. And today, as she heads off to work, and spend the weekend camping with a friend. She leaves me this song.. And it sums up everything perfectly.
http://foxlaireinn.primalbeast.com/perfectday.wma
Forever
I've been most prolific today, haven't I? Well.. Lets just say that lately, I've had alot to talk about. And more often than not, find myself at a loss for words to describe it. How do you describe a sunset to someone who's never had sight? Sometimes, just sometimes, a thing is so perfect, there are no words in any language to give light to the full scope of its beauty. And sometimes, just sometimes, the impossible, the incredible, and the unlikely, happen. Sometimes... Its best to just let them.
Here's to those who know life, and live it fully. To those who embrace the light without fear of being burned, and to those who truly know what it means to fall.
http://foxlaireinn.primalbeast.com/forever.wma
Forever - Ben Harper
Here's to those who know life, and live it fully. To those who embrace the light without fear of being burned, and to those who truly know what it means to fall.
http://foxlaireinn.primalbeast.com/forever.wma
Forever - Ben Harper
Not talkin' 'bout a year, no not three or four.
I don't want that kind of forever in my life anymore.
Forever always seems to be around when it begins but forever
never seems to be around when it ends.
So give me your forever.
Please your forever.
Not a day less will do from you.
From You.
People spend so much time, every single day, runnin' 'round all
over town, givin' their forever away.
But no not me.
I won't let my forever roam and now I hope I can find my forever
a home.
So give me your forever.
Please your forever.
Not a day less will do from you.
From you
Like a handless clock with numbers an infinite of time.
No not the forever found only in the mind.
Forever always seems to be around when things begin but forever
never seems to be around when things end.
So give me your forever.
Please your forever.
Not a day less will do from you.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Let us be.
Give me life, give me the sun and moon and stars, the thundering storms and the gentle summer warmth. Give me the depths of winter, and the rebirth of spring. Give me love on quiet nights, and darkness in its peace. Give me the passing seasons, the turning of the world, and in each and every moment of it, give me you.
You in happiness and sorrow, you in joy and despair, you in peace, you in tumult. Give me your tears and laughter, your fears and desires, your hopes and dreams. Let me live in your glow, and bask you with my own. Let us together show the world what joy is. Let them love us, and despair that they'll never know anything so pure as that which we share.
Forever in the stars, in the seas, in the grasses of the field and the trees of the forests. Let music share our every moment, let the chorus of life be our own.
Let us be.
You in happiness and sorrow, you in joy and despair, you in peace, you in tumult. Give me your tears and laughter, your fears and desires, your hopes and dreams. Let me live in your glow, and bask you with my own. Let us together show the world what joy is. Let them love us, and despair that they'll never know anything so pure as that which we share.
Forever in the stars, in the seas, in the grasses of the field and the trees of the forests. Let music share our every moment, let the chorus of life be our own.
Let us be.
Shadows in the Oak Grove
Music - Gjendines Bånlåt (Gjendines Lullaby) - Pernille Anker
Moon Phase - 79% full, Waning
Mood -Introspective
*An inviting orange glow flickers through the trees ahead of you, leading you onward through the darkened garden, the moonlight barely piercing the thick canopy, and creating dancing shadows as the wind rustles through the trees overhead. The ground is covered in fresh undergrowth this time of year, and seems to have been untended by any hand save mother natures for many years. The glow reveals itself to be a small fire as you step through the majestic oaks, and into a clearing, where a man sits staring into it, lost in thought. Just as you think you have remained unnoticed, he motions you over to sit by the fire.*
"Come traveller, and find yourself a piece of ground. I regret I've little to offer in the way of comforts, but you see, I'm rather new here myself. No, I'm not quite sure how I got here, and I'd be willing to bet you're a little lost on that point as well. No matter, it seems to be the nature of the place." He reaches into a leather satchel that sits by his side, and after a short bit of rummaging, produces a clay pipe and a bag of tobacco.
"Care to share a pipe? No? Probably for the best, its a nasty habit I should quit myself. But sometimes in the shadows like this, a bit of comfort, however you can find it, is better than none at all." With that he strikes a match, and sets fire to pipe, and takes a few long slow drags, filling the air with the unmistakable scent of pipe tobacco. This seems to be traced with Orange, Vanilla, and Clove, a bit of an unusual mix.
"What is this place you ask? Well.. Near as I can tell its a place where memories go to be forgotten. Every bit of the place seems to have a bit of someone in it, but this particular grove seems to be mine. I figure I'm here for a reason, much as yourself, though what that purpose is, I am admittedly at a loss to say. Careful what you do here, by the way. Things seem to often have unusual results."
With that, he reaches down by beside him, where a pile of gathered sticks, leaves, and wood lay, and plucks out a bundle of leaves, and tosses them into the fire. The leaves smoke a bit more than you might expect, and quickly form a billow of smoke over the fire. Within the twisting veins of smoke, images begin to form, slowly but with purpose. "You see, as I said, each bit of this place contains a piece of me. Lets see what this piece has to say."
Hello traveler, and welcome to my blog. Never thought I'd start one of these damn things, but as you can see, I've been sucked in by the net community as surely as a clipper to a maelstrom. I am known, amongst those for whom I care little, as Brandon Withey. To those that matter these days, I'm known as Aodhan an Chalaidh. As a dear friend of mine once put it "For the Gaelicly illiterate, thats pronounced Aiden" and for my elaboration, the last part is 'Awn Kuh-lay'. In Gaelic, it means 'Fire of the Haven'. It is, perhaps, a bit of hopefulness on what my life will come to be.
I'm not really sure what to tell you about myself here, so I will say what comes naturally. To begin with I am deeply romantic, nothing stirs my soul so much as a haunting tune, or a quiet sunset viewed from a mountainside or the ocean shores. I often fancy myself something of an author, though it can perhaps be said that were we all what we percieve ourselves to be the world would be a much richer, and more horrifying place. Its funny how the two go hand in hand, wouldn't you say?
Of the things I truly can say I know about myself, is that I deeply revel in emotions of all kinds. I am intimate with sadness, and familiar with joy, me and anger are, at times, on speaking terms, though mostly I can say I merely know him and we keep each to our own. Mystery and shadow enthrall me, as do light and the simple joys of life. And love, ahhh sweet fickle love, it has been said it makes the world go round. I disagree, in my experience it is, in fact, the one power that can make the world come to a screeching halt, and allow one to hold a moment in ones hand for all eternity.
I have no doubt that the first of many to read this, will be friends of the light of my heart these days. *pauses for a moment in quiet thought, as if considering this statement* Its a simple truth, that. Take it for what you will. If you know not of whom I speak, well. Perhaps you will in time. But to all of you, know you she or not, welcome, again. *ponders for a long moment again, thoughtful again* It sometimes strikes me as odd, when the moment to stop writing has come. And this seems to be that moment....
*the smoke dies down, breaking into a thousand thousand whisps on a passing breeze, and the man sitting across from you at the fire, smiles a quiet smile as he tamps out his pipe into the dying embers*
"Time to leave is it? Well, I thank you for visiting with me this while, and regret perhaps that what the fire revealed this night was not as interesting as it might have been. But a beginning none-the-less." He stands and dusts himself off. "I suppose the least I can do is take you to the borders of the Garden. Come." With that, he leads you in silence to the edge, past fountain and rose, lilac and stone, across bridges draped in ivy, and to a doorway formed by two majestic Willows swaying quietly in the breeze. As you turn around to say your farewells, you find only the path and darkness walks with you still.
Moon Phase - 79% full, Waning
Mood -Introspective
*An inviting orange glow flickers through the trees ahead of you, leading you onward through the darkened garden, the moonlight barely piercing the thick canopy, and creating dancing shadows as the wind rustles through the trees overhead. The ground is covered in fresh undergrowth this time of year, and seems to have been untended by any hand save mother natures for many years. The glow reveals itself to be a small fire as you step through the majestic oaks, and into a clearing, where a man sits staring into it, lost in thought. Just as you think you have remained unnoticed, he motions you over to sit by the fire.*
"Come traveller, and find yourself a piece of ground. I regret I've little to offer in the way of comforts, but you see, I'm rather new here myself. No, I'm not quite sure how I got here, and I'd be willing to bet you're a little lost on that point as well. No matter, it seems to be the nature of the place." He reaches into a leather satchel that sits by his side, and after a short bit of rummaging, produces a clay pipe and a bag of tobacco.
"Care to share a pipe? No? Probably for the best, its a nasty habit I should quit myself. But sometimes in the shadows like this, a bit of comfort, however you can find it, is better than none at all." With that he strikes a match, and sets fire to pipe, and takes a few long slow drags, filling the air with the unmistakable scent of pipe tobacco. This seems to be traced with Orange, Vanilla, and Clove, a bit of an unusual mix.
"What is this place you ask? Well.. Near as I can tell its a place where memories go to be forgotten. Every bit of the place seems to have a bit of someone in it, but this particular grove seems to be mine. I figure I'm here for a reason, much as yourself, though what that purpose is, I am admittedly at a loss to say. Careful what you do here, by the way. Things seem to often have unusual results."
With that, he reaches down by beside him, where a pile of gathered sticks, leaves, and wood lay, and plucks out a bundle of leaves, and tosses them into the fire. The leaves smoke a bit more than you might expect, and quickly form a billow of smoke over the fire. Within the twisting veins of smoke, images begin to form, slowly but with purpose. "You see, as I said, each bit of this place contains a piece of me. Lets see what this piece has to say."
Hello traveler, and welcome to my blog. Never thought I'd start one of these damn things, but as you can see, I've been sucked in by the net community as surely as a clipper to a maelstrom. I am known, amongst those for whom I care little, as Brandon Withey. To those that matter these days, I'm known as Aodhan an Chalaidh. As a dear friend of mine once put it "For the Gaelicly illiterate, thats pronounced Aiden" and for my elaboration, the last part is 'Awn Kuh-lay'. In Gaelic, it means 'Fire of the Haven'. It is, perhaps, a bit of hopefulness on what my life will come to be.
I'm not really sure what to tell you about myself here, so I will say what comes naturally. To begin with I am deeply romantic, nothing stirs my soul so much as a haunting tune, or a quiet sunset viewed from a mountainside or the ocean shores. I often fancy myself something of an author, though it can perhaps be said that were we all what we percieve ourselves to be the world would be a much richer, and more horrifying place. Its funny how the two go hand in hand, wouldn't you say?
Of the things I truly can say I know about myself, is that I deeply revel in emotions of all kinds. I am intimate with sadness, and familiar with joy, me and anger are, at times, on speaking terms, though mostly I can say I merely know him and we keep each to our own. Mystery and shadow enthrall me, as do light and the simple joys of life. And love, ahhh sweet fickle love, it has been said it makes the world go round. I disagree, in my experience it is, in fact, the one power that can make the world come to a screeching halt, and allow one to hold a moment in ones hand for all eternity.
I have no doubt that the first of many to read this, will be friends of the light of my heart these days. *pauses for a moment in quiet thought, as if considering this statement* Its a simple truth, that. Take it for what you will. If you know not of whom I speak, well. Perhaps you will in time. But to all of you, know you she or not, welcome, again. *ponders for a long moment again, thoughtful again* It sometimes strikes me as odd, when the moment to stop writing has come. And this seems to be that moment....
*the smoke dies down, breaking into a thousand thousand whisps on a passing breeze, and the man sitting across from you at the fire, smiles a quiet smile as he tamps out his pipe into the dying embers*
"Time to leave is it? Well, I thank you for visiting with me this while, and regret perhaps that what the fire revealed this night was not as interesting as it might have been. But a beginning none-the-less." He stands and dusts himself off. "I suppose the least I can do is take you to the borders of the Garden. Come." With that, he leads you in silence to the edge, past fountain and rose, lilac and stone, across bridges draped in ivy, and to a doorway formed by two majestic Willows swaying quietly in the breeze. As you turn around to say your farewells, you find only the path and darkness walks with you still.
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