I sit here in the shadows and memories of us and what we used to be. Wondering where the days went when we were happy Wondering when I stopped being your hero. Wondering how I've fallen so far. I love you, I ache, I miss you.. This house is not a home without you. But life moves on, and so shall we I suppose. I wiped the kitties nose prints off the window today, unable to look at them and our childrens absence. Another broken home. Another love lost. What's wrong with me?

Good evening gentle readers, or perhaps good morning is more accurate. It's been a long time since I've written here, and I'm not really sure why I'm beginning to write now. Unlike the beginning of this journal, my life is not in a glorious shining place of peace and joy. Instead I write here because I am in the heart of the maelstrom. Right on schedule it seems, the years having slid by two by two. If you had asked me then, where I'd be now, I'd tell you I'd be living in the heart of the valley with Zahrah by my side, walking together towards the future. If you had asked me nearly three years ago where I'd be today, I'd have told you that I'd be with Mandi having grand adventures and being deeply in love with someone who fit me as well, in her own way, as Zahrah. I don't seem to really understand the pattern of my life. Instead, today, I'm sitting up at 2:30am with my heart aching in my chest and wondering why I always wind up feeling so alone. I think it may be something fundamentally broken in me. But I have come an interesting circle. I am sitting and reading the stories of my past, remembering when I was simply happy. And why wouldn't I have been then? Things were magical, and everything was moving with the sense of finality and purpose. Or maybe I was just transposing that feeling on things. Maybe I just want to believe. What I believe tonight is that I am waiting for the sickness to pass. For things to finally pass with quiet sorrow, saying goodbye to someone who I never thought I'd be saying goodbye to. But I guess, in the end, we never think we will when it starts out, do we? I don't think I can bear to write more tonight, but I'm writing this now. Maybe I'll write more later.