Find your peace..

Find your peace..
In the mixing of the form,

the shaping of the mold,

the pouring of the wax.

 

In the bubbling sizzle,

the warming glow,

the rising odors,

of scents in the air.

 

Watch the candle burn,

as the creation take its shape,

Be lost in your own place,

as you bring form to idea.

 

Pass it to others,

and share with them the joy,

of the hours spent toiling,

amidst home and life.

 

The rain may fall outside,

but within the work goes on.

And you never mind the passing,

of moonlight into dawn.

 

For its forged by your own hands,

and shared throughout the winds,

and the joy found in the making,

is all that life need mean.

 

Test

Just testing my outgoing mail.

Work Based Thought of the day

This is a thought that only works for women (for reasons soon to be obvious):

 

Whenever a celebrity you think is hot turns out to be gay (provided its male and you swing that way), just remember.

 

This means no other girl will have him either. :)

This has been your 'Mr. Brightside' Moment.

Autumn Rains

Its rainy today, out here in the valley.  The mists clings to the ground like a blanket, cloaking everything in just a bit of magic and mystery.    Its been this way the last couple of days, each morning bringing either a blanket of fog, or the misty sheets of rain making the distant mountains fade into mere shadows.   In these times the valley is even more enclosing, more homelike.

 

Its on days like these that I am loathe to leave the valley, to head out to the more 'civilized' areas of the world.  Out into Mount Vernon, and Burlington.  Even Sedro Woolley is too close to the clash and clamour of the outside world on days like these.   Deep in the valley, days like these are silent, every sound muffled.  Even the crow of the roosters in the yard sound like distant.

 

On days like these, the world is far away.   And while I'm at work, surrounding by the harsh glare of florescent lights, the music of today that clashes so hard against the place my heart lives, I'm still a little more at peace inside.  I know that tonight, the mists will remain, and the silent green of the valley awaits me.

 

Home is the place your soul rests.

A day...

Yeah, today ain't the hottest day on the planet.   Its generally been kind of blah and unpleasant, I've discovered a bevy of earlier mistakes I made at work.  My only vindication is that of the 2 pages of errors, not all of them are mine, and in fact, some of them are my co-workers.  (She who rarely makes errors. :) )

 

Then I call home and discover that my darling Zahrah's new/used video card may have just bit the big one.   This is me being a pessimist, but it doesn't sound good.  

 

In short,   I'm vaguely bummed,  I'm a little stressed, and I wanna go home.. *sniffle*

 

One of lifes little ironies.

So I'm sitting here at work this morning, and for some reason this stray thought crosses my mind.

 

"Ya know, if that overzealous person hadn't shot Larry Flynt, he'd be dead by now."

 

Now, I'm a big supporter of Flynt and his work, not that I particularly care for his magazine, but the fact that he's one of the Porn gods gives him a special place in the warm cockles of my heart.  He's also one of the reasons we have such a free and flourishing adult entertainment industry.. Yes, this means I approve of him.  Say what ya like.

 

But the point of the matter.

 

His wife died of AIDS after he was shot, a bullet which, incidentally, removed his ability to engage in conjugal <sp?> relations with her.  (They weren't monogamous).   Because of this, he never contracted AIDS from her.  She's long since passed from the world, and Larrys alive and relatively well.

 

That bullet saved his life.. Congratulations dumbass.

 

This has been your random thought for the day.

The gods have listened..

Today, I learned that the gods *DO* occasionally listen to us puny mortals.

 

 

Behold, the Payday Avalanche..  Take a payday candy bar, dip it in chocolate...

 

Yum...

 

 

That is all.

I live.. No really.

    Hey folks, I know its been a long time since I've written here.  Life has been a combination of crazy busy, and too lazily good to.. well.. write about. :)   Things are happy here, a little more so every day.  This weekend past I wound up sick as a dog...  Now isn't that an interesting phrase?  When was the last time you saw a truely ill dog as a normal thing?  Anyway...

 

    I did however get to truly see a wonderful new side of Zahrah this weekend past as I was lying in a wretched fever and exhausted beyond all recognition.  She took wonderful care of me, offering every time I stirred in my sleep throughout the night to get up and get me anything I needed.  (In her sleep I might add, she only remembers asking once).

 

    And then when I had to stay home from work, no grief, no lamenting the loss of money, even briefly.  Just agreeing it was a good idea to help me rest and recover so I didn't get sicker.  She truly is a wonderful caretaker, and I'm lucky to have her.  As everyone (and I do mean everyone) who has met her who knew me previously has said.  I can't express to anyone how lucky I am.  I love her *SO* much, and its so easy to do.

 

    Anyway, I do need to end this here, but wanted t'let y'all know I'm still alive.

 

Ciao

A post to post the post a post!

Good day readers. Just wanted to post in and try to give some kind of explanation for that last post.

Life's been nutz the past year or so, and honestly, thats no excuse for a father to not stay in contact with his kids. But, thats what I did. Trying to stabilize and get some sense of order in my life, I failed to maintain contact with my children.

Thankfully children are remarkably forgiving, and I have reestablished contact with that part of my life, and I've no intention of ever letting that be out of my list of priorities again. Not that it ever was, but that would require far more explanation tonight than I really feel like going into.

Until then, that was the mystery..

Over and out.

Real Fear

Real fear is wondering if your children will ever want to see you again.
And knowing its noones fault but your own if they don't.

This is my thought for the day.
Explanation to come later.

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

*lies in a pool of drool on his desk, snoring contentedly*

Ok ok.. No.. I'm awake, but I'd very much *LIKE* to be asleep. Apparently the weather change (YAY RAIN!) has made me sleepy. Seems like perfect napping weather, a cup of warm tea, my Turkish Flower curled up next to me, and just listening to the rain fall. Nice image, no?

Well, instead I'm at work. And ya know, that ain't so bad either. In the last few days I've come to like my co-workers a great deal, my supervisor is an amusing guy who reminds me in a very distant way of Tim Taylor, and my boss. *heh* He's a big guy, and he smiles and laughs alot. This bodes well for my future here. I'm also picking up the work fast and digging right in and enjoying the hell out of it. Yes, that makes me a touch of a geek, as its all data entry, but its *INTERESTING* data entry. I'm not lookin' at the same stuff all day, I start a project, finish a project, move on to the next project. And my inbox overfloweth. (This is not entirely typical, even my teammates have gasped when they saw the loads coming in)

On an amusing note, things I've been meaning to mention the past few days:

1. The Divine Secrets of the 'Yeah yeah' sisterhood. Nikki, my trainer, is cute in that 'friends annoying kid sister' kinda way, and one of her habits is to respond to any comment requiring a positive with an overly cheerful 'Yeah yeah!'. Which made me snicker quietly to myself the first couple of times I heard it, and when I mentioned it in passing, it turns out that its a habit she learned from her grandmother. Apparently, 'Nah nah' is also part of their vocabulary, and I'm not alone in finding this habit incredibly amusing. So apparently, they are in on some of the 'Divine Secrets of the Yeah Yeah Sisterhood' and her Grandmother is the headmistress. *shrugs* I don't expect you to laugh, it was funny being there.

2. The coolest, flowers.. EVER.. I believe are called 'Chocolate Cosmos'... Observe.

These little blaggards *SMELL* exactly like a rich chocolate cocoa. They are, in a word, divine. I will have some for my garden. Seriously, I mean, chocolate scented flowers? This goes right up there with beer.. "Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy." - Ben Franklin had it ALMOST right. "Chocolate Cosmos are proof..." Seriously folks.. Yum.. CHocolate.. Damn.. I think I'd eat them though. Which has potential.. I wonder A. If they're edible, and B. What they taste like. (Eyes the flowers on Nikki's desk with renewed interest)

3. A bit of a tirade on my part: Why the hell should people be expected to do more than they're paid to do?
Now, I'm playing the devil's advocate here for a minute, as I love learning new things and picking up new projects. So lets assume for a moment, that when you start a job, you get a job description. In that job description one finds a list of the things that is expected of you for that job. You get offered the job, and accept the job. Boom. You now know what you have to do.

Rant begins:
Now lets assume the following: One day, having completed everything on your list of things 'in your job description', you are approached by your employer noticing you lounging and generally enjoying reaping the rewards of a job well done. They suddenly want to know why you aren't working "Done." "Well can't you find something else to do?"

Correct me if I'm wrong but 'Everything in my job description has been completed, you want me to do more, pay me more' should be an acceptable answer to this. I agreed to do a particular set of tasks, for a particular wage. More tasks = more money in my mind. Seriously, is there anyone out there who can contest this as a purely logical conclusion?

No, this didn't happen to me, and no, I'm not SOLIDLY on the side of those who agree with the above. But I see its logic, and certainly don't think you should be punished for being efficient. Should be an encouragement to get all your work done quicker, neh? Me, like I said, I like learning new things, and so jump at the idea of new work once the old is done. But I don't think ANYONE should be expected to do more than they're paid to do, and what they're paid to do is included in their job description when they get hired on.

Rant ends.

4. Ok.. I'm catching up here, so bear with the verboseness. I'd like to throw a thank you to all those incompetents out there.. No really.. I love 'em. Hell, I've probably even *BEEN* them at one point or another. But seriously. I keep hearing: You're *SO* much faster to catch on than the last person was, they had to keep asking the same questions for the entire duration of their stay here and kept making the same mistakes over and over again.

So, I'm performing below what I consider acceptable standards, not moving *NEARLY* as fast as I think I should, and I find out the following: A. I'm exceeding production levels, and B. Obviously due to A, I'm doing better than the last one did during her entire stay here. What this means is, ultimately, I can perform below my own personal standards, and *STILL* be exceeding requirements. Everyone high-five the incompetents of the world for lowering the bar for the rest of us.

*thinks* I think I pretty much covered everything I wanted to talk about today... Though there's something itching at the back of my brain from earlier today that isn't quite coming forward. I'll post about that when I remember what the heck it is.

A beautiful morning.

Moved Here

That work thing..

Good morning campers!! Up and at 'em! Its a bright new da..

Oh Scupper it, just go back to sleep. I would've this morning.

But the reason I haven't is particularly good news! I started a job today work.. Well, never mind where I work, suffice to say you wouldn't want to hear from me. But I *AM* working, and that makes all the difference.

Good news - My co-workers are pretty decent people so far, bright and amusing with decent senses of humor.

I give myself a week before I manage to offend one of them. :-)

The work itself is pretty straightforward and simple thus far, nothin' too horrid, and contrary to the warnings I've been given, the phone is *NOT* ringing off the hook. Of course, this is only day 1.

Weird factors - I've never been paid once a month before, and thats going to take some adjustment.

Now, computer facilities.. ALl in all, pretty decent, got your email, your web stuff, able to get to my web emails...
The problem (not really) is that I only have access to web based messengers, and Yahoo has, yet again, gotten on my shit list in that department. Yahoo doesn't *HAVE* a web based messenger. So take heed!

If you want to talk to me between the hours of 12:30pm-1:30pm PST, when I get on for my bit of mid-day recreation, ye'd best be gettin' an MSN messenger, and adding aodhan_an_chalaidh@hotmail.com to it so's I can *TALK* to you!

But aside from that, things are going well...

Now I just need my fans and fountains. :) This desk is kinda dreary..

Oh, and the office music? Varies from horrible to.. well.. AC/DC's 'Hells Bells' is playing right now. *rocks out*

December 2005 - Be Silent

Be Silent

Be silent.
Choose to be silent.
Do not let words be your excuse
To forget who you are or ignore
The world around you.
Still the chatter
Of conflicting thoughts;
Things to do and places
To be.
Silence the television,
The radio,
The computer.
Turn off the lights,
The ringer on the phone,
And cover the clocks.
Be still.
Discover your soul
When everything else has become silent
And all that remains is the sound
Of rain falling on the roof.

-copyright by Zahrah, December 2005 (No More Illusions Blog Author)

4:20am.. Or... Is it Friday yet?

4:20am.....

There's only one good reason for being awake at 4:20am.. Ok.. Two if you're a pot smoker.. But essentially, one.

A woman..

So.

I'm awake at 4:20, and its not because of a woman, its because my house-guest perfunctorally decided that turning down my air-conditioner meant turning *OFF* my airconditioner (but leaving the fan running) so I woke up at 3:30am to waves of ungodly heat.

Ok.. It probably wasn't more than like 75 degrees, but thats completely unacceptable to someone used to sleeping in a meat locker.

And you know whats worse? Its 4:20 (4:23am now), and since I'm awake, I'm thinking about the fact that my lovely Zahrah isn't around for me to talk to. Nor is anyone else. Which leads to a very long stretch of time where I'm *BORED* senseless, and thinking about the fact that in oh... 32 hours or so she'll be here. Which is a pleasant thought, but makes my arms and heart all achy to be holding her.

Tell me why I thought it was a good idea to go back to Portland for a week? Oh yeah, thats right... So I could miss her!

Yes, that was the logic... No.. I don't have to make sense.. Sod off.

Ok ok.. Convaluted logic time. We were seriously kicking around the idea of moving in together to begin with. But as you doubtless understand, we were a little leary (just a little) because of how quickly things are moving. So, I decided, after 2 weeks of staying up there, I was going to go back to Portland while waiting for word on a job I applied for up there. Some time apart to think it through ya understand.

I was ready to come home Friday morning. Waking up without her next to me was all I needed to convince me home is where my Zahrah is.

So..

As we've been asking people all week.

Is it Friday yet?

Its special, Its beautiful, and its mine.. Or - "Building a Religion."

Ladies and gentleman of the court, I submit for your approval...

Life is a funny thing, and its full of its own twists and turns. Zahrah and I are moving in together. Call it fast, call it insane...

Call the hotline, we don't give a shit.

There are so many people out there that move slow, that worry over useless things, and that basically decide to waste the precious moments that life puts out there for you to enjoy.

I think that Mal (of Firefly fame) said it best.. " Someone's carrying a bullet for you right now, doesn't even know it. The trick is to die of old age before it finds you."

I only disagree on one point.. I intend to outrun that little fucker.. So folks, here it is, the beginning of what I firmly believe is the rest of my life. A life with this woman that is everything I've been looking for, and in many things, nothing like what I imagined. Its special, its beautiful, and its mine.

*cocks and loads his pistol*

Anyone who has any objections is welcome to step forward.. I've got a clip full of bullets, and an engraver.


Comfort Eagle - Cake
----------------------------------------------------------------------
We are building a religion,
We are building it bigger
We are widening the corridors and adding more lanes
We are building a religion.
A limited edition
We are now accepting callers for these pendant keychains
To resist it is useless,
It is useless to resist it
His cigerratte is burning but it never seems to ash
He is grooming his poodle
He is living comfort eagle
You can meet at his location but you'd better come with cash

Now his hat is on backwards. He can show you his tattoos
He is in the music buisness he is calling you "DUDE!"

Now today is tomorrow and tomorrow's today
And yesterday is weaving in and out
And the fluffy white lines that the airplane leaves behind
Are drifting right in front of the waning of the moon

He is handling the money. He's serving the food
He knows about your party. He is calling you "DUDE!"

Now, do you believe in the one big sign?
The double wide shine on the boot hills of your prime
Doesn't matter if you're skinny. Doesn't matter if you're fat.
You can dress up like a sultan in your onion-head hat

We are bulding a religion. We are making a brand
We're the only ones to turn to when your castles turn to sand
Take a bit of this apple, Mr. Corporate Events
Take a walk through the jungle of cardboard shedies and tents
Some people drink pepsi. Some people drink coke. (coke)
The wacky morning d.j. says democracy's a joke.

He says now, "Do you believe in the one big song?"
He's now accepting callers who would like to sing along
He says, "Do you believe in the one true edge?"
By fastening your saftey belts and stepping towards the ledge

He is handling the money. He is serving the food.
He is now accepting callers. He is calling me "DUDE!"

Do you believe in the one big sign?
The double wide shine on the boot hills of your prime.
There's no need to ask directions if you ever lose your mind
We're behind you. We're behind you.
And let us please remind you
We can send a car to find you
If you ever lose your way

We are bulding a religion...
We are bulding it bigger...
We are building............... a religion.......
A limited edition
We are now accepting callers for these beautiful pendant keychains

Waken to the Dream

This was passed on to me today from a friend, and the dream it refers to is the dream of the SCA that we all try to live.
I've never found words that so accurately describe what the SCA is to me, and what I'd have it be to my children.

We are all, dear readers, born out of our time.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waken to the Dream

Within my arms you rest your head, swaddled in blankets tight
Wrapped safely up in dreams sweet song, sleep throughout this night
I’ll sing to you of days gone by, of days still yet unborn
For in your heart I see my hopes and joys become reborn

Will you be yourself a Promise, given by crowned king?
Devoting time and energy, a light to all you bring?
Walk proud in steps that Cailean walked, many have done so since
The days when Prince and Princess saw the power of innocence

Perhaps you’ll tread the garden path and become a silver Rose
As made by Irel and Rosalind whose beauty you’ve been bestowed
Your gentle fingers quick to pluck the burden from a friend
Will make light work for all involved, with smiles for duties end

Or maybe you will come to sing like lark in morning sun
And burning bright the Mullet’s light will show that you are young
Same King and Queen did first bestow to Timony this rank
To be thus called compatriot your mother’s voice you’ll thank.

Would you rather learn of battle, your name for combat known?
To stand and count yourself as one of young Brendon Swatko’s own?
King Hoegaarden, Chiara Queen, did recognize this skill
In ones so young they could not fight the Knights that they would kill.

Oh little one, who in my arms does sleep and worry nought
For you I tell the stories rich, the tales of battles fought
This game we play is all for you, your future and your dreams,
I promise to pass on to you, my love of what it means.

The Dream is yours to learn, embrace, and grow to always cherish,
To keep alive the things we share, and never let them perish,
For in the day that rises now, as you waken from your slumber,
Behold the Dream, of knights and Kings, who will count you in their number.

Written by Savya the Silent.

Applebee's and Porn

Good evening gentle readers..

Well, due to the insidiousness of Zahrah, I am now, once again, interred at her home in Concrete. :) I am here for the week, visiting in lieu of the various expenses that can be associated with travelling to eventually get to Coronation. (Ok, its a good excuse anyway.. So repeat it all with me.. "Aodhan is only there for a *WEEK* because its cheaper than travelling back and forth for Coronation." Right.. Now stop laughing.)

For those of you wondering about the title, Scribbles called Zahrah last night while we were on our way north from Portland. It just so happens she asked to talk to me right about the time we were passing an old adult novelty store in Chehalis that is so old, Abraham and his wives bought their marital aids there. It was the first shop set up by Cain after leaving Eden.. Really.. it was.

So I mention this to Scribbles (great first impression) because we were passing it. And then shortly thereafter pass an Applebees that was in Centralia.. Fairly recent addition, wasn't there when I lived there, and I was like. "Applebees? Porn and Applebees? Applebees IN MY TOWN? Sure.. Get a decent resteraunt AFTER I leave.."

And Applebees and Porn became my Blog post title for tonight.

I wish I had more to say, but at the moment I'm just kinda hanging around the house, waiting for Zahrah to get out of the shower. Well.. I guess there's ONE more thing. Nah, I think I'll let Zahrah post about that.

Waken to the Dream

This was passed on to me today from a friend, and the dream it refers to is the dream of the SCA that we all try to live.
I've never found words that so accurately describe what the SCA is to me, and what I'd have it be to my children.

We are all, dear readers, born out of our time.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waken to the Dream

Within my arms you rest your head, swaddled in blankets tight
Wrapped safely up in dreams sweet song, sleep throughout this night
I’ll sing to you of days gone by, of days still yet unborn
For in your heart I see my hopes and joys become reborn

Will you be yourself a Promise, given by crowned king?
Devoting time and energy, a light to all you bring?
Walk proud in steps that Cailean walked, many have done so since
The days when Prince and Princess saw the power of innocence

Perhaps you’ll tread the garden path and become a silver Rose
As made by Irel and Rosalind whose beauty you’ve been bestowed
Your gentle fingers quick to pluck the burden from a friend
Will make light work for all involved, with smiles for duties end

Or maybe you will come to sing like lark in morning sun
And burning bright the Mullet’s light will show that you are young
Same King and Queen did first bestow to Timony this rank
To be thus called compatriot your mother’s voice you’ll thank.

Would you rather learn of battle, your name for combat known?
To stand and count yourself as one of young Brendon Swatko’s own?
King Hoegaarden, Chiara Queen, did recognize this skill
In ones so young they could not fight the Knights that they would kill.

Oh little one, who in my arms does sleep and worry nought
For you I tell the stories rich, the tales of battles fought
This game we play is all for you, your future and your dreams,
I promise to pass on to you, my love of what it means.

The Dream is yours to learn, embrace, and grow to always cherish,
To keep alive the things we share, and never let them perish,
For in the day that rises now, as you waken from your slumber,
Behold the Dream, of knights and Kings, who will count you in their number.

Written by Savya the Silent.

In dreams of shadow and light.

A dark hall of vibrant green, a clear night sky with stars shining like crystals in a velvet sea.
In the quiet, a song rises, a single voice, rising to the heavens, lanterns of flowered glass shimmering along a pathway of flickering shadow and light.

The wind moves quiet in the trees, and along the path, dimly lit by the candles glow are seated a gathering from all walks, delicate elves in diaphonous gowns and shirts of shimmering green, hobbits by the pathway in their best greens, yellows and browns, humans in all their varied multitude.

The song rises higher, permeating the air with the force of life and spirit. Quietly at first, behind the song, a steady beat of drums rise, not quick, but slow, like the steady beat of a peaceful heart, playing into the song.

From beyond the hill at the paths end torchlight can be seen, brightening the dark with the red-golden cast of living fire, and the drums rise, not so loud as to be overpowering, but still that steady beating, throbbing of lifes very pulse.

Over the edge of the rise can now be seen a pair of girls in silken silver and green gowns, dancing the path in slow spirals, holding baskets of woven flowers. As they come down the path they pause along the way, placing the wreaths upon the attendants heads, and whispering blessings to them. Behind them a pair of men in green and golden Caftans of the same material as those who came ahead, each of them carrying a basket of candles on their left arms, a lit candle in the hand of same.

They go behind the girls, again picking out members of the guests at random, handing them a candle, and as they light it asking that they let their light join with ours, a hundred quiet sparks of light against the heart of loves own glow.

As the men reach the halfway point, the bride and groom come over the ridge, both with their attendants. The bride is dress is adorned with green and silver threads, sparkling in the firelight, and her veil is made of flowers, the same that trim her gown and gossamer cloak. The groom is dressed in a style similar to the candle-bearers, but ever more elaborate, his brow also adorned with a wreath of flowers, and flowers trim his cloak as well.

Next to each stands their attendants, stalwart guardians, dressed in a shimmering silver and green garb, each bearing a sword.

"Each of us has in our lives, those friends we call close to us, who guard us as fiercely as they do their own kin, and are guarded in return. I am here today to say that I have seen this man, and found him worthy, and pass her from the protection of my blade unto his."

"There is a myth told among many, that a mans heart is shallow and fickle. Truer is that they are like a seed in winter, full of vibrant life beneath the white snow. But as the seed, when a light as bright as the sun comes, and melts away the snow, the seed will blossom into its fullest glory. But there are many false springs, and only our friends can see that it is indeed the last frost, and it is the true time of life at last. My friend has found his true spring, and I call her so. And as he takes her into his life I give my blessing, and lend my blade to his against any that would seek to strike that flower low."

Crazy Train.. I *WISH*...

Well gentle readers, I have made it to darling Zahrah's domicile in a number of pieces relatively close to the number I started in. For those of you who consider, for even a moment, riding Greyhound.. Here's my little piece of advice.

*DON'T* for the love of god don't. Because the bus I was on was an hour late, I would have had to wait until the 12:45 am bus to ride the rest of my trip north from Seattle to Mt. Vernon. Instead, after frantically calling around trying to get ahold of Zahrah's number (a series of hideous travesties I deign not to go into now, lets just say my self respect was laid on a chopping block and utterly annihilated by the end of said task, which wound up being successful. In a way. Kind of like how demolishing a city block is a successful way to close down the deli on said block).

So while I'm waiting, my day planner gets swiped... I'll place no blame on any other than myself for this. It vanished.. With my return ticket home inside. *YAY ME* So I call Greyhound to ask if they'll issue me another ticket since I still have my confirmation number. Need I mention that they were 'Sorry, nope, yer SOL'. *JOY*. So, I came up here with a relatively reasonable amount of money to spend, and after the fiasco in Seattle, I am now left with just enough to buy a ticket home.

Someone.. Shoot me.

HOWEVER.. Once Zahrah arrived (Surely thinking I'm far more trouble than I'm worth now ;) ) in Seattle to bring me the rest of the way up to her home, things started marginally improving.

Except.

She had downed a mega-dose of green tea before coming to get me lest she fall asleep on the trip. I believe her upper eyelids met her lower at somewhere around 5am. Though according to her there was not much sleep between our attempting to sleep at 3am, and our crawling from bed at noonish.

This is day one of 3 (full days) I'll be here, and things are already looking relatively untainted by the initial get-go.

Updates to come as they come, and with no more frequency than that. :)

Though I must say I'm quite ecstatically happy to be here with her, and actually able to take her into my arms when the mood strikes, rather than merely wishing I could. For that alone, a trip twice as perilous and three times as long would've been worth the trouble.

Prisms in Broken Glass

*shimmering light, flashing rainbows, a dark chamber pierced by only a single beam of light. Motes of dust float in the air like the sparkles in a fae maiden's diaphonous gown. In the center of the ephereal beam, surrounding by the glistening darkness, is a small figure wrapped in a mud stained robe of green, staring fearfully into the tenebrous dark*

It is fire.. It is deepest gloom, shattering brilliance in a dying room.
Blazing shards of repentious light, flaring shadows in a dance of fright.
Wicked whispers in crimson shades, dancing falters rigid frames.
However in the mist we bled, twirling in a killing bed.

All of antiquity trapped in a crystal bright,
fading plants in winter blight.
Fractured memories on sheets of glass,
in relinquished shades of times long past.

To the starlight sighing flies,
a frelintious wist of flagging cries.
However twisted prancing spins,
a raptous flight of murky fens.

To climbing spirals music flies,
frank and crushing secrets high.
Shadows wrapped in draken hide,
to curl up within to die.

Felicious hope in window frame,
distant futures yet to claim,
in the sordid after made,
a snicking blade of fritting plane.

Forever shadows stretch hereout,
and dwarven silhouttes of doubt,
in the refracting quartzen tame,
dischordic liquids twist and came.

Children cringe in mildest feem,
decrepit figures in the hame,
shaldurin fists of raging meet,
on shields of heros crying deep.

Mysteries of the future come,
within the arcing shifting dome,
to deep within the sounding sheem,
forever drowned in vassal beam.

*Note from Author: It is what it came to be, and nothing more than it was. Your explanation has as much meaning as mine I fear, just take from it what you will*

Under Loki's loving caress.. and my own foolishness.

*sighs*

Ya know.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in the habit of self-destructing my happy arrangements. I move to Portland, and finally get a job with a company I've been wanting to work for for the past three years.

And I manage to get fired within two weeks. Amazing neh? I know *I'M* impressed. *shakes his head* I just wish I could honestly say I did something heinously wrong. No.. Nothing of the sort. I was doing well on the phones, learning the systems fast, and picking up more and more every day.

It was, in the end, my wit that did me in. Or what passes for it. I won't go into it, except to say the following - 1. Nothing sexual or even vaguely inappropriate on that level was the cause. 2. It was not shirking work, I was impressing the hell out of my direct trainer. It was just my mouth, doing that magic dance that occasionally doesn't know when to stop, cutting into my plans and intentions with razor-like precision.

As I was riding home in the taxi they saw fit to get for me, rather than merely popping me 1.65$ for a bus pass.. *shakes his head, corporate spending*. I realized what I hated the worst in relation to the occurence today. Not my roommates, I got the first job quickly, they know I'll get another just as fast, and my final paycheck pays me up for July. It wasn't having to tell the parents of my children that that extra bit of insurance wouldn't be coming. That was merely embarrasing.

It was having to admit to the one person whos opinion of me matters, that I lost a job I had JUST started. For the first time in my life, I'm ashamed of this. I've been angry, upset, annoyed, embarrased. But never before have I been ashamed of something of this sort. I suppose one could say writing in this blog is the cowards way out of telling her, but I hope to tell her before she reads it. What writing in this blog is, is purging the thought from my head before it becomes a festering sore.

Amazing, isn't it? It is to me.

She already matters enough to me, that its her I'm afraid to let down. I feel like apologizing to her for this. *smiles softly*

Guess its just Jack N. coming out in me....

She makes me want to be a better man, and this.. *sighs* Makes me want to hide my head.

Oh, and in case anyones wondering.. No.. writing this did NOT make me feel better.

A question of honour.

*Shadows flicker across the chamber, cast by a few scant oil lamps secluded in various corners. Sitting a table in a roughweave monks robe sits a youngish man, scribbling carefully in a book of parchment by the light of a single flickering candle stub. In the distance, the sound of church bells can be heard calling the faithful to Vesper mass. He pauses a moment in his scratching to look outside at the moon just beginning to rise above the horizon, sighs heavily, and returns to his book*

Honour. Its an interesting thing, and used in interesting ways. And sometimes that which is called honour is, in fact, little more than habit. To think of oneself as honourable. I sometimes wonder if that very practice immediately disqualifies one from BEING honourable. After all, the humble man does not think himself so, and never declares himself so.

Perhaps then I am as accused.. Honourable. I know it is a thing I have aspired to, to be able to be looked on with pride as an example of what an honourable person is. But most days I feel I fall short, for reasons as simple as the few coins still owed Brother Robert, or the nipping of a bit of extra from the line during the evening feast.

But that does not change the fact that I stand accused of honour. And Honesty. Neither of these traits do I feel I possess in any grand amount, though I would admit to honesty. But more for the sake of having less to remember. In times past I was quite the skillful liar, twisting and bending the truth to avoid situations. But in that time it was mostly a case of survival, fending off bill collectors as well as I could. After all, at that time, I had no coin to pay, and yet they kept calling. Still.. Not the most honourable thing.

And then, on another question of honour. When one is accused of honour for behaving a certain way, for reasons that have nothing to do with honour. Does this still make one honourable? To drive ones cart in a reasonable fashion, that the town Shiriff does not fine ye, or to not dispatch your neighbour for fear of retribution, or even something as simple as not uttering a word of curse, for fear of Gods own retribution. None of these things are truly acts of honour. Though they may by their nature be honourable acts. But an even greater question is.. Is an act honourable if you do not know why you commit it?

For this pilgrim.. I cannot say. I act the way I act, because I am the way I am. I do not feel worthy of being called 'honourable'. Scarcely so for being called honest. Whether this is out of some misguided sense of nobility, or merely truly feeling unworthy of the title, or perhaps... Just perhaps... the responsibility. To be called honourable by another, makes you responsible to be honourable. Both for the reputation of honour, and for the sake of that persons credibility and note of sense. After all.. What kind of person would tarnish anothers name by their own actions? Or make another look the fool...

*the monk sits up... Stretching his back, and yawning quietly as he observes the now sparkling stars in the night sky, and then drains a small clay mug sitting on the desk next to him of its water, now tepid. He then looks back at the book, and picks up his quill, clipping the tip to bring back a sharp tip, and dipping it in the iron gall ink before returning to his page*

All questions this eve... and no answers... Let it be said that I hope my accuser in this case finds me guilty, not just today, but for every one to come.

And let me hope that should I ever reach my breaking point... That when it comes time to face a true question of honour... I'm up to the task.

Brother Hiberius Cline

Good morning to you fine readers, or afternoon if yer anywhere but on the West Coast (Or Hawaii, but if you're in hawaii, I don't want to hear about it.. Truth.)

So I've just settled down after a nice afternoon meal of grilled chicken sammy on wheat bread with lettuce and tomato and onion.. Yum. Just yum. Its been an interesting morning, my first two hours of phone calls went fabulously, no stress, no worry. Just hammerin' 'em out, one after another, and gettin' things down pat.

Its nice to know I'll be settling into my new home away from home soon. The calls are almost deceptively easy, and I've seen a few of the more complex ones whilst sitting with other folks. And some of the stuff, of course, I'll have to check time and time again to make sure I'm getting it right. But all in all, its cake.

Time this week has, when not at work, begun to creep down to a slow crawl. You see, this Friday I'm off to see Zarhah, and of course in the meantime I'm waiting for the week to end anxiously. Yes yes.. If you know me at all, this is ALREADY getting old, though I fear for poor Zarhah the most. I'm sure the days pass with no more alacrity for her than I, and then to hear me gripe about it.. Well.. *shrugs*

Not sure about this sunshine mind you, I'm rather hoping that come the end of the week there will be something a little more mild to accompany my visit to the Great Northern Wastes. (Or is that Great Northern Waists? I mean, she *IS* a belly dancer after all *whistles innocently*)

Oh, something interesting I learned yesterday: Many people feel that simply because many people have 3rd grade reading levels in the US, that our medical insurance policy should be accessible to them on that level, and that they should not be held responsible for understanding their own health care. Disclaimer: I do not abide Stupid People. Sub-Text: The difference between ignorance and stupidity, is Ignorance can be taught.

LISTEN! If *ANYONE* is responsible for your health care and understanding your insurance policies.. Its you. Not your provider, not your sister, brother, mother, uncle. Believe me, I worked in member services answering questions about medical insurance, we can make it understandable if you don't try to make it harder than it is.

LEARN your policies people.. Just do it. And for gods sake, *ASK* why the doctor wants to stick a metal-hooba-joob up your butt before you let him do it..

This has been your Medical Insurance Service Announcement.

Aodhan Out.

Set the controls for the heart of the sun..

You want to know how hot today is? I'll tell you how hot today is. I feel like I'm on an Adder class starship trying to get rid of triffles. Or trying to refuel.. Its that fewking hot. I'm serious man, its like Satan declared open season in downtown Tigard, there's a barbeque, and we're all invited, as the main course.

Its our own special little breed of hell down here, my air conditioner is barely making my room habitable by volcano dwelling lava skippers, and they're dancin' on the molten remains of my airmattress, while my computer screams obscenities at me as its poor silicon heart melts down.

HOT! Are you getting the point?

H...
O...
T...

HOT....


Someone PLEASE send help... The Captain of the ships gone crazy, and he's set the controls for the heart of the sun.

Reflections

I've found that I dislike going a day without posting *SOMETHING* for my loyal readers. I've been feeling a bit floaty and out of touch this weekend (it happens), and my muse is fickle for both idle chatter and grandiose passages. So today, I offer up, something from... two weeks ago
now is it? Or there about?

I'll not lie, I thought about editing it a number of times before posting it. But as I've been trying to do with most things, I decided to let it stand as written. Leave us not worry about who Raven is for now, know only that she was someone of significance in my life for awhile.

So here for you, noble readers, is one of my rants, unfiltered.

" Raven made me feel alive for awhile, her light shed beams into dark places, but in time, it faded, and I was in a winter landscape again And so I walked into the wasteland again, and there was Zarhah, who brought light back, this morning I woke, and she messaged me before heading off to work, and it made my day, melted the ice a bit deeper

And I look at myself and the lives of those around me, and wonder Am I living a life to a tune others don't grasp? Is feeling complete with the partnership of another a fallacy,a sign of weakness? Or am I part of a order that lives a life brighter than most normal men?

I revel in emotion, worship at the altar of romance and the exhultation of love I wonder at my life, am I living something divine? Am I more in touch with the heartbeat of reality and life, is it wrong that I am never so strong and complete as when the love of another touches my life?

Or am I dead inside true, and walking among others who live in the light, and only take the warmth of their internal light to brighten my own?

The passion of music, of utter submission to the realms of Venus and Aphrodite Cupid is my avatar, my companion and completion His arrows are my own, I live by my heart, and my soul screams for things that shake the earth to its foundations

*shakes his head* I wonder, do I use others for what they feed in me, or do I share with them something others have lost

Nothing enrages me so much as people who have lived so long together, and submitted to comfort over the fire of true life, that they have become nothing more than live in companions, with occasional benefits

Nothing is so righteous, so gestalt, as the fire that those who are in love, and don't fear to be consumed by it, that they shed light on everyone around them, breaking through the banality that others allow themselves to succumb to

. I refuse to let myself die, to let that passion and angst of youth die It is THEN that we are alive, and strong, and in glorious rapture in the exhultation of simply being alive We resonate when we find the love of another who shines so deeply Am I wrong to want that, not just now, not just tomorrow, but for every moment of my life from here on out?

And How that relates to now

I look inside, and wonder at 'right' At 'right' at feeling this way over another so soon, and yet I know how it feels A simple word, nothing grandiose, just A simple contact in the morning

Looking forward to that someone showing up in the evening, and the simple pleasure of chatting with them And yet it makes me glow I have no answers for myself, I know only what I feel I do not like questioning it, and yet I wonder Should I?"

Today is totally Nineteen

*bah* I have this thing kicking around in my head, and its not quite ready to be unleashed, but I'm hoping it will soon. Its a slightly darker shade of red than the vibrant flow of love, far closer to the rich mahogany of drying blood. Its full of glinting eyes and sharpened teeth, and it wants to come play. A conversation about Fight Club sparked it off, the words starting dancing through my head wanting to be put down. But they're not quite ready yet.. Need to let them simmer more.


But anyway! On a more cheerful subject. Today has been a most wonderful day, bright, sunny, and productive at the office. Its also my last day in the training room, starting Monday afternoon I'll be out on the floor at a desk, actually taking and processing calls. That, in and of itself, will be a vast improvement. I'm desperately ready to dig my fingers into this job. Oh yes, and its *PAYDAY* can ya dig it? Not that I can cash my check until I get home.. But 'meh'.. That'll be fine all things considered.

Because, of course, once I get my own desk. I can bring in the four mini-fans, the miniature air conditioner that will live on my floor, the Ivy that I intend to grow within my cubicle, a number of fountains, and slowly but surely, decoration for my drab walls, to consist of images of my Zarhah, my children, events and places I wish to visit, as well as a few skillfully placed speakers to provide some nice ambient sound. This is not my cubicle, this is my citadel.

Yes.. For those of you who may have popped over earlier, I stripped out a post and made it two. :) They seemed to need seperate titles.

Cool points awarded to the first person who can identify what the title of this post means, and where its from.

It ain't easy being green.

I just had a sudden realization.. One that strikes me as rather interesting. As anyone in the US knows, gas prices are atrocious nation wide. And many of us blame Bush for this, I know he's at least one of my suspects. But consider the following: With High Gas prices, the push for alternative fuel engines has been increased, making them available, and cheaply, to the American Public within the next 5-10 years. (Note the steady incline in prices over that time period). Now... Lets assume for a moment that the automotive industry knew that without some impetous the alternative fuel engines would never catch on, and it'd be a pain in the ass to continue to produce said engines in conjunction with the old pure petrol engines. Its far more cost effective to specialize. Now consider that they *WANT* to move to this new mixed-fuel/hybrid vehicles, after all, why not? Production of repair parts for these vehicles is going to be higher, and results in an overall increase in profits for the company. But those PESKY Petrol cars!

So.. In conjunction with the gas companies, the automotive industry starts designs. The gas industry continues to raise prices (after all, if they're doing it consistantly across the board, they only make profits while helping their sister companies, the auto manufacturers). Now that prices are up to over 3$ a gallon, the auto-industry says 'Hey.. Here.. Look at these nifty new cars'. People who wouldn't have considered looking at such a 'Niche' or 'Green' vehicle 2 years ago, are suddenly AVIDLY persuing the idea of these alternative fuel cars. Now.. Gas companies stand to make an increased profit here also, because now they can DIVERSIFY. Sure, until now, they've been leaning on a stock of products made from one source. Which admittedly, is a pretty broad range of things. But now, voila, they have an entire new field to expand into, which will only increase their profits over time. And a public desperate to have both the automotive industries new miracles, and the gas companies new products, without eliminating the reliance on the former products.

Now consider: We know we're running out of oil, or at any rate its becoming less cost effective to collect. And with all the environmental protections in place to protect most of the remaining oil sources. (Alaska, IE) Its becoming more costly just to get the rights to build those costly facilities. And Hydrogen/Methane/Etc can be made anywhere, relatively cheaply. So.. Doesn't it make sense for the gas companies to deliberately drive us away from their products (which have a limited amount remaining) to their sister companies new products, which will, in time, drag them back to the Gas companies *NEW* products?

By spreading out the gasoline consumption with other fuels, we get lower prices on gasoline, new products to fuel our new vehicles, an overall greener environment, and a sustainable fuel source to keep the gas companies income running steady.

Now you ask what my point is. Guess what.. I'm not telling you. But maybe we could pause a moment, and reflect on what this all really means.. Compared to what we've seen the high prices as meaning.

Suddenly... America is scrabbling to be Green. And not even knowing it.

Its a simply beautiful day.

So I'm coming home from work today, and it occurs to me that I'm in an incredibly... stable.. No.. *thinks* I'm just happy. A simple kind of happy. The kind where the sun shine seeps below your skin without making you uncomfortably hot, where the breeze is just the right temperature, and a simple drive is all it takes to bring a smile to your lips.

And it occurs to me, thinking through all this. That this is the first time I can remember being 'simply happy' in a very long time. And so I think to myself.. What caused this simple happiness? And the answer I find.. "You are content."

And thats the truth of it my friends.. I'm simply content. I've got a job I love, roommates I don't want to kill. And I spent a long night last night with my mate, just... Talking and being together, even with so many miles seperating us. Incredibly simple pleasures, and it has led to making all feel right with the world today. *chuckles* My trip north in a week might have something to do with it as well.

But no matter what, I'm simply happy today. Simply content.

And what could be better than that?

Revelations at Midnight...

The battery on the cordless phone in my house lasts approximately 5 hours, before giving up the ghost completely.

What? You were expecting something profound? *looks at previous posts* Ok.. I suppose that isn't *ENTIRELY* an unacceptable expectation given the previous posts. But nope, that was it. Zarhah and I talked from nearly the time she got off work till my phone just gave up the ghost at 11:45pm. Which looking back on it, was likely a "Very Good Thing(tm)", considering that I had to get up at 6am to go to work this morning. (Once again, my ride was leaving EARLY.. He's no happier about it than I am).

Other revelations. Sometimes just being on the phone, even when you're not really talking about much, is a close and lovely comfort. Most of the time she and I were on the phone, I was in the living room, playing Oblivion, and we were just idly chit-chatting back and forth (oh yeah, and I was swearing vehemently at the stupid hunters in 'Caught in the Hunt' that wouldn't leave me the *?$!!@#! alone!). It was a very companionable way to spend the evening. As she put it 'It was sweet, we were just both doin' our own thing, and yet we were right there, talkin' about nothin' in particular, with bursts of topic'.

And I think in the end, thats a very important facet of a functioning relationship. The ability to be together in companionable quiet, just doing those things you've always done, without the need of constant conversation, and yet still communicating. *smiles* The more I think back on it, the more I can honestly say it was one of the nicest evenings I've had in awhile.

Oh.. and Zarhah darlin'. I confirmed with Eric this morning. He was, as I suspected, just being a complete butthead.

Incidentally folks, my roommate has described me as 'Think of me, only shorter and with hair', to his wife. And ya know.. The sad thing is.. She still had me move in! And now she starts shaking her head when we start having a 'Very Unique Moment'. Such as randomly spouting off with 'M-nuh M-nuh' from the Muppets.. Or the Time Warp.. Or arguing whether 24 deviled eggs=12 whole eggs, or 24 whole eggs. (My answer is 24 deviled eggs = 12 whole eggs.. He says thats only 12 devil.... Oh nevermind...) And whether you measure puppies from tip of nose to tip of tail, or to the bottom of their paws. Don't ask, Erics nuts, and so am I.

So anyway, I'm a little better rested, and a little brighter and cheerier this early in the morning than I usually am today. Oh.. And somebody ask Zarhah how telling her mother that she found someone went.. I was highly amused. (And remember, the correct answers are 'Yes I like Red Dwarf' and 'Yes I like Opera' if you ever meet her mom... Ya know.. I'm just sayin')

Anyway, its off to work now.. Yippee Ki-yay! *blerk*

A little touch of courtesy

*Found on a forum I frequent*

FAMILY

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones,
young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love,
you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He p! icked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.
"By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."

He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,and
I do like the flowers,
especially the blue."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its true, ya know, and sad in its way. We usually take such care to be polite to strangers, at least in the common courtesy ways. But grow so used to the people closest to us in our lives that we forget to treat them with a little love and kindness, even as we treat them to the big ones
.
Remember, like love, a family can live on large filling meals.
But its the dessert that makes life sweet.

A day in the sun.

Ahhh yess. Another spank-tastically fun morning at work today learning systems. But by god, we *ARE* learning something. I'm finding that my experience and contact with the medical field is making things come simpler to my mind, as there's plenty of background information for me to draw on to make sense of it all.

*hmms* Thoughts for the day... Well.. *chuckles* Guitar music.. Yeah.. It sometimes strikes me how nice a simple guitar can be, all by itself. There's this tapestry of sound without words, without anything but the guitar itself. Its like a blank canvas, or perhaps a paint-by-color sense to the music. The structure is there, but you can paint the image however you like. I feel this is part of the appeal of music like classical and such. And for me, to a degree, music in languages I don't understand. You take the soul and heart of emotion out of the song, and then make the song your own by the images it brings to mind.

For instance.. Today I'm listening to 'Fingerdance' by Billy McCullugh , sent to me this morning by that Z person.. Yeah yeah, I'm sure yer all sick o'hearin' about her by now. But.. Tough.. *ZARHAH* sent it to me. :) Kind of a morning tradition it seems, or just a tradition in general. Kind of like that first morning hello sent before she zaps off to work for the day. But I digress. The point is, its a light and upbeat little guitar tune, and it makes me think of days spent in the spring warmth, iced tea set out in a large glass container, slices of lemon and teabags floating in the deep golden brown of tea, as condensation beads on the outside. Arranged invitingly alongside is a plate of small cakes and vegetables with ranch dip. (Yay ranch dip!)

Nearby is a garden, and diligently working in it can be found her and I, hands in the dirt, face in the sun, and perfectly content rooting out weeds and rocks from amongst the garden to be. Swirling through the air can be heard the buzz of the seasons first bees, seeking the seasons flowers, to later be used in making all sorts of delicious sweets. Scratching around us are the chickens, and ducks happily go about hunting slugs whilst a goat looks at us passively from its stall where it chews its cud.
And the day seems simply perfect.

I really am a simple creature, with simple desires, though I also dearly love to dance along the edge of the complex and strange. Its always here I feel most at home. A simple day, with simple pleasures, followed by quiet evenings 'neath starry skies. Such should be the heartbeat of every life, don't you think?

Chanticleer your name is... Dinner.

Rolled out of bed this morning, almost literally, at 6:45pm. Let me tell you what a glorious time of day 6:45 is.. Oh wait.. I can't. This morning at least, it blew ovines with voracious intensity. *shrugs* Or I'm just bein' pissy, which is an equal likelihood. But then hey, I'm still wakin' up.

I suddenly have a trip planned north on the 30th, off t' see Zarhah, yon light of my heart. Its my birthday that weekend (The 4th of July), and whilst I am somewhat aggravated that I must leave at a mere 5pm on that day, I certainly can't complain that I get to spend the 30th-4th with her. *grins* Happy B-day to me!

Oh, yeah, and for those of you that didn't know, the 4th is my birthday. So no fireworks this year, email me for my address, so you can enclose the funds for my birthday present from the world. With any luck, you'll drop enough in my account for us to go to India. (More likely, I'll be able to buy a postcard with a picture of India on it. Ya cheap bastiches. :-p)

So.. Morning.. Things to look forward to. Well, there's always talkin' t'my love, though that won't happen until sometime this evening.. So.. A bit of a ways off, not really on the list of things to look forward to this mornin'. *hmmmm* AH! Donuts and Bagels! heh heh heh. Sweet sweet providence hath rained iniquity upon our instructor. Specifically, he left us alone in the classroom for 1.5 hours yesterday, having forgotten the person who 'should' be teaching us had a meeting that day. By way of apologies he brings forth many sweet and tasty pastries to be set upon the altar of 'Ooops.. I screwed up'.

*looks at the lot of you* What? I'm a passionate guy and all, but you couldn't have expected this Blog to be *ALL* songs and sonnets could ya? I mean *REALLY*.. Sheesh. Besides.. I've kind of taken to enjoying prattling at my inured readers of late.. It has become something of a touch-point in my day.. Now.. If only I knew who all you people were. *peers* Hey.. Ya know what, there's a comment box down there. *points down* Write ya scurvy blaggards! (Those that haven't, that is).

*looks at the clock* Well.. 10 minutes till I'm supposed to be in class. How wonderfully fun and cheery that is. Well, truly, today should be better. The first two days were spent getting our systems up and running, and that in and of itself was inanely boring. I'm sure in the coming week or two, I'll be BEGGING for an hour or two of quiet where nothins goin' on. But for now, its getting these systems learned so that I may inter myself in my cubicle. Bwahaahhaha.. There will be fountains and Ivy and a number of fans in my cubicle.. A veritable Mecca of peace, serenity.. And scantily clad fantasy women calendars.

*looks at the assembled* WHAT?

The Long Dark teatime of the soul...

Otherwise known as one hour lunches at a desk job, where you don't have your own desk yet. Though there's something to be said for sitting in the lunch area, and watching the play of people around you. I got quite a good laugh out of the gaggle of asian ladies sitting at a table near mine. I don't catch most of what they're saying, primarily because, as usual, I have my nose in a book. But one exchange catches my ear:

"Where'd you meet him?"
"Online"
*series of gasps, one lady wags her finger at the first*

*blinks a little* I find it somehow amusing that people think that meeting someone at a store, or in the course of your job, or.. *gasp* AT A BAR.. Is somehow better than meeting them online. Let me tell ya folks, bein' face to face ain't no insurance policy against lying, or deciet, or any of the other petty little things that end up hurting people so much. So why in gods name do you think they'd be any more honest face to face.. *shrugs* Catch up.. I mean really. This is the 21st Century (Mind you, I'm still waiting for my personal flying cars and house-maid robots), but other than that, society is changing, and it sounds like this ladies friends need to get on board.

Which.. Now that I think about it.. Is kinda ironic coming from an anachronist like myself.

Zarhah and I were talking about a Yurt my best friends parents own. And she mentioned how she had considered getting one. My thought was 'Yeah, but there's that whole 'no electricity' thing'. 'Why? You can run electricity into a Yurt'. Problem is, to my way of thinkin', thats like settin' up an adult book store in the Vatican. Its a *YURT* for gods sake! *shrugs* On the other hand... I don't know how well I'd cope without my computer...

After all.. I couldn't deprive you, my loyal readers, of my words of wisdom... Why.. God only knows what would become of you if I did that. ;)

And on that note, the lunch time is over, and I must go back to 'learning' *cough cough* again.

Don't die.. Thats an order.

True Love is Boring

"True love, like any other strong and addicting drug, is boring -- once the tale of encounter and discovery is told, kisses quickly grow stale and caresses tiresome... except, of course, to those who share the kisses, who give and take the caresses while every sound and color of the world seems to deepen and brighten around them. As with any other strong drug, true love is really only interesting to those who have become its prisoners..." - Stephen King 'Dark Tower IV: Wizard and Glass"

Behold.. The power of love.

Good morning gentle readers.. And welcome to my first day of work. Long awaited it may be, but after last night.. and waking up at *3:30am* this morning just raring to begin studying. Its going to be a *LONG* day. But it started out right.

As the title of my Blog says at this point... "Love is what magic will be when it grows up".

For those who've ever doubted the power of love to change your life, and the lives of those around you. Observe

If I had any doubt of the forces moving in my life, well.. Lets just say I don't anymore. I apologize for not being as eloquent as I usually am. But today, it seems that Life is doing my talking for me. What could I possibly say to match this.

So let me thank you, Zarhah love. For it is what you brought out in me, that I shared with others, that led to this womans long grief finally beginning to heal.

Coming of age.

Good evening good readers... Though its nearly morning. As usual, I have mountains to say, and just no idea of how to start. Its not a well known fact to many that I've been fighting an on-going battle with God. Yes.. That one. I've been Wiccan for many many years, but lately its all begun to feel very hollow. Very empty of what I used to find in it. And more and more, I found myself looking back into my life, and wondering about christianity. And I can't count the number of times somewhat recently, that I've found myself on the porch, looking up at the moon, and thinking about falling to my knees and crying out to him.

But my pride held me back. And more than that, fear. I've been Wiccan for *14* years, fully half of my life. To change this about myself, to give up on my faith of so many years. What would that mean? How could I turn my back on so much time. I kept running into people, who made me long to look, to turn away, and turn back to him. But always my fear kept me back.

I'm still afraid.

But they say that God works in mysterious ways. And apparently.. Its true. He made the fight easy for me. He played the Godfather. He gave me an offer I couldn't refuse. But.. Hear me out.

The light of my heart came to realization this past weekend. She realized she didn't know much of what I believed, but from what she'd heard others saying about it, she was concerned. So we started talking about it tonight. And she listened, and we talked. And she was in tears by the end of it, because she didn't know if it was something she could resolve within herself. To cross this boundary. She likened it, rather appropriately, to 'Fiddler on the Roof'. "If I bend that far, I'll break." But she was going to try. I could tell she didn't have much hope for it. By this point, I'd already admitted that my faith was weak, at the very beginning, before we got here. Its more than I've ever admitted to anyone.

And as we were both sitting there, our hearts breaking that this one thing should cause such turmoil... Call it his voice.. Call it my own.. Call it what you like. I heard a voice inside me say... "Is something you are so unsure of.. Worth it.. Is it worth this, when you've wanted to let go for so long anyway?" And let me tell you.. There have been plenty of signs. There's a friend who I respect a great deal, who I hate talking to.. Because whenever we get on the subject of faith. He made me want to believe as he did. That HURT. Its scary now... But the final straw was something I feared more than God. And that was losing someone who so quickly, has become so dear to me. That has made me alive, and glow, and utterly FLOWING with light. I haven't loved like this since childhood. So I told her this.. I talked to her about it. And most of all wanted her to know that I wasn't doing it for her.

I'm doing it for me....

So after 14 years of something I thought I believed. That I fought to believe.. I'm laying it down.. And listening to my heart. For the sake of my heart.

Watch out God.....

Here I come.

The Piper at the gates of dawn or: Sliding in Autumn

Quote of the day: All of this world, is for children who play.

Good morning gentle readers, and welcome. Come, sit by the stream under the willow trees and have a cup of tea. Its fresh off the fire. I hope the day finds you well, as it finds me pleasant enough. Today is another almost perfect day. Yesterday finished itself out well, or as well as one could hope for. It is strange to think that out of all of this, she gave me a gift. One she's not quite ready to hear about, but one that is important and significant. I hope one day I'll be able to tell her what that was.

But as today sits... Well... Take that kettle off the fire will you.. over there is fine. As I was saying, today feels a bit like the first day of Autumn. The quiet in the air, still and peaceful. For all that its nearly the first day of Summer. Its more of a 'Autumn of life' type of day. Things are clean and crisp, ready to start again, and ready for that quiet rest that is Winter. For me, Winter has always been a time of beginnings, time to settle and plan, to quietly contemplate what steps to take.

As it has been alot lately, the concept of "Peace" has been on my mind. Its a funny thing, peace. You can't demand it, can't shake your fist at life and declare 'I will be peaceful!'. Its something you have to make, a bit of work, every day, at keeping yourself still. And sometimes being still requires things that are not peaceful, but getting them taken care of will make returning to being peaceful that much easier. And not dealing with them.. Well. Will only make things more difficult, and peace won't come.

So thats my resolution, who needs to wait till New Years? To look at the things that make my life less peaceful, and address them. And as I do that, day by day, well. Things will get more and more peaceful. But I will not seek out the things that make my life less peaceful, lest I find things that arent there. I will merely address them when I come to them, each in their own time. And nothing will I rush, like a leaf in the stream, I will go where the waters take me, content to know that the river knows its way.

My words and suggestion to each of you today. Find your peace. Find your inner self, and talk to it. For most of us its been trying to talk to us for a very long time, and we've just not had ears to listen. And a piece of wisdom from our dear Cornelius. "Let everything that doesn't matter, truly slide."