Woohoo! After a week of workin' me buns off I successfully dropped a full pound! Little more than actually if you ask the scale. My starting weight this week was actually about 226.4, and the scale read an even 225.0 this morning!
I'm recording it as 1 pound, but it was actually 1.4. ;)
--------------------------------------------------------------
Starting Date: 03/25/08
Starting Weight: 226
Current Weight: 225
Goal: 180
Pounds lost: 1
Pounds to Go: 45
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Day 4 of the new exercise Regime. :)
No workout this morning, got up late to go to work.. Sleeping in was nice though.
Did an hour on the Exercycle this evening, + Lifting weights for 20 minutes. Turned up the Resistance on the Bike by one notch, noticeable difference.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Starting Date: 03/25/08
Starting Weight: 226
Current Weight: 226
Goal: 180
Ponds to Go: 46
Pounds lost: None.. YET.
Did an hour on the Exercycle this evening, + Lifting weights for 20 minutes. Turned up the Resistance on the Bike by one notch, noticeable difference.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Starting Date: 03/25/08
Starting Weight: 226
Current Weight: 226
Goal: 180
Ponds to Go: 46
Pounds lost: None.. YET.
Friday, March 28, 2008
No workout this morning, taking it easy so as to keep from going overboard. Also, weariness from exercise is affecting my mood, so taking a day to rest. Tomorrow its back to the grind. I may consider alternating back and forth (side to side!). Looking into some exercise that focuses on my torso, since i have the arms and legs covered.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Starting Date: 03/25/08
Starting Weight: 226
Current Weight: 226
Goal: 180
Ponds to Go: 46
Pounds lost: None.. YET.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Starting Date: 03/25/08
Starting Weight: 226
Current Weight: 226
Goal: 180
Ponds to Go: 46
Pounds lost: None.. YET.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Changing Moods like Tides.
So I got in my Hour of bicycling this evening, complete with the reps for the arms. But I'm very tired now, and I notice my mood declining with my weariness.
And my weariness-induced moods brings out such questions as... Do I annoy Zahrah? Its so hard to read her sometimes, and her body language and behaviour towards me has changed a great deal in the time we've been together. I'm trying to learn to read her now, but it often feels like she's keeping her distance.
And yet when I think of this, I think of her cuddling up behind me at night. I think of the kiss goodbye in the mornings.... And I just feel a little lost.
I want to know whats wrong.. With me in general. Why I have such a hard time staying just generally happy and bright. Why I worry so about people leaving me. She says she loves me, and she's one of the most solid, truthful, honest people I know. She won't even tell me the little lies about me being handsome. Though truthfully that one lack of deception does sting a little.
It brings to light that I'm perfectly happy with her the way she is, and I find her attractive the way she is. But not so the other way around.. Oh, she finds me handsome, but physically I'm not appealing.
Maybe its just that because she's... I don't want to say MINE... But just take that as it is and don't take it to mean more than that. She's sexy because she's mine, because I love her, because I'm the only one who gets to see her in all her glory. Because I intend on spending the rest of my life with her, and my love for her makes her beautiful.
But I know I am merely handsome to her. And while that is not something, I would dearly love to be Sexy for her. And hence my new exercise regiment. Don't judge me for doing it for someone else, we all must have our motivation, and thats mine. One purr, one heated glance at me, one spark of desire at seeing me bare. Thats worth all the pain in the world to me right now.
*sighs*
Anyway.. I don't know where i was going with this, I just wanted to write and see if it helped me feel better. It really didn't, but at least I got it out.
And my weariness-induced moods brings out such questions as... Do I annoy Zahrah? Its so hard to read her sometimes, and her body language and behaviour towards me has changed a great deal in the time we've been together. I'm trying to learn to read her now, but it often feels like she's keeping her distance.
And yet when I think of this, I think of her cuddling up behind me at night. I think of the kiss goodbye in the mornings.... And I just feel a little lost.
I want to know whats wrong.. With me in general. Why I have such a hard time staying just generally happy and bright. Why I worry so about people leaving me. She says she loves me, and she's one of the most solid, truthful, honest people I know. She won't even tell me the little lies about me being handsome. Though truthfully that one lack of deception does sting a little.
It brings to light that I'm perfectly happy with her the way she is, and I find her attractive the way she is. But not so the other way around.. Oh, she finds me handsome, but physically I'm not appealing.
Maybe its just that because she's... I don't want to say MINE... But just take that as it is and don't take it to mean more than that. She's sexy because she's mine, because I love her, because I'm the only one who gets to see her in all her glory. Because I intend on spending the rest of my life with her, and my love for her makes her beautiful.
But I know I am merely handsome to her. And while that is not something, I would dearly love to be Sexy for her. And hence my new exercise regiment. Don't judge me for doing it for someone else, we all must have our motivation, and thats mine. One purr, one heated glance at me, one spark of desire at seeing me bare. Thats worth all the pain in the world to me right now.
*sighs*
Anyway.. I don't know where i was going with this, I just wanted to write and see if it helped me feel better. It really didn't, but at least I got it out.
The morning after.
So I didn't sleep well last night, woke up at 1am fidgety and still feeling rotten. Sometime during the night Zahrah rolled over and cuddled up behind me, and everything was alright again.
I woke up this morning feeling vestiges of the rotten, but mostly feeling okay and put together. It bothers me when stuff like last night hits, because things have been going so well, and I don't know how to put a stop to it. Guess thats what therapies for though, right?
----
Starting Date: 03/25/08
Starting Weight: 226
Current Weight: 226
Goal: 180
Pounds to Go: 46
Pounds lost: None.. YET.
That being said.
Don't know if I mentioned it last night, and I'm too lazy to go check, but I started dieting and exercise this week. Last night I spent an hour on the Exercycle, and spent half of THAT doing reps of 20 with alternating arms with a 5# weight.
Did the same thing this morning, only I added a... whatchamahoosit, when you stretch your arm out stiff and go from side to outstretched. Figured I should work my shoulders as well as my biceps.. And *OW* did I feel it. I may do some more later on on my breaks.. Seems a good way to spend 'em.
So from now on, I'll be posting a progress report int he exercise/weight loss department, and lets start with the starting numbers:
Wish me luck!
I woke up this morning feeling vestiges of the rotten, but mostly feeling okay and put together. It bothers me when stuff like last night hits, because things have been going so well, and I don't know how to put a stop to it. Guess thats what therapies for though, right?
----
Starting Date: 03/25/08
Starting Weight: 226
Current Weight: 226
Goal: 180
Pounds to Go: 46
Pounds lost: None.. YET.
That being said.
Don't know if I mentioned it last night, and I'm too lazy to go check, but I started dieting and exercise this week. Last night I spent an hour on the Exercycle, and spent half of THAT doing reps of 20 with alternating arms with a 5# weight.
Did the same thing this morning, only I added a... whatchamahoosit, when you stretch your arm out stiff and go from side to outstretched. Figured I should work my shoulders as well as my biceps.. And *OW* did I feel it. I may do some more later on on my breaks.. Seems a good way to spend 'em.
So from now on, I'll be posting a progress report int he exercise/weight loss department, and lets start with the starting numbers:
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
A long respite.
Good evening readers... Yes, I'm back again after a short hiatus from writing.
Some things to know..
Our Roommate Aaron moved out, and this has definitely taken some stress off of the house for me. I've been lighter of mood, less stressed out in general, happy. The reasons behind this bother me, but I've been enjoying the sensation.
But after a brief respite, it feels like those feelings are creeping back up on me again. I can feel them tonight, trying to drag down my mood, and it infuriates me, or perhaps frightens me is a better statement.
I don't want any of those feelings back again, none of the sadness and depression. And yet, here they seem to be on my doorstep. Its been a couple of weeks since I last saw my Therapist, and I'm intending on setting up another appointment two Mondays from now to continue my work with him. I had a week or so of what 'better' feels like, for the most part, and I want more of it.
In other news:
I started a diet today. This is my blog, so in part I'll be brutally honest about my reasons for starting it. They are two fold: I want to look better, feel better, have more energy, and in all seriousness hope it contributes to making my ED go away. (There ya go, for those who didn't know.). I'm doing it to help support my Zahrah as well, as she has started dieting as well.
But the big reason.. Tied into those mentioned earlier.. Is I want to see the look of appreciation for my physical form in Zahrah's eyes. I know she thinks I'm handsome, what she doesn't think is that I'm sexy. Can I blame her? I'm 5' 6", 226 pounds, I have quite the belly on me, and a waning stamina.
I want to see her hungry for me, and to be someone, physically, she can find herself hungry for. Oh, we still make love, and she still initiates on occasion. But.. well.. *sighs* I'm doing it for my own self-esteem. I want that look.
Some things to know..
Our Roommate Aaron moved out, and this has definitely taken some stress off of the house for me. I've been lighter of mood, less stressed out in general, happy. The reasons behind this bother me, but I've been enjoying the sensation.
But after a brief respite, it feels like those feelings are creeping back up on me again. I can feel them tonight, trying to drag down my mood, and it infuriates me, or perhaps frightens me is a better statement.
I don't want any of those feelings back again, none of the sadness and depression. And yet, here they seem to be on my doorstep. Its been a couple of weeks since I last saw my Therapist, and I'm intending on setting up another appointment two Mondays from now to continue my work with him. I had a week or so of what 'better' feels like, for the most part, and I want more of it.
In other news:
I started a diet today. This is my blog, so in part I'll be brutally honest about my reasons for starting it. They are two fold: I want to look better, feel better, have more energy, and in all seriousness hope it contributes to making my ED go away. (There ya go, for those who didn't know.). I'm doing it to help support my Zahrah as well, as she has started dieting as well.
But the big reason.. Tied into those mentioned earlier.. Is I want to see the look of appreciation for my physical form in Zahrah's eyes. I know she thinks I'm handsome, what she doesn't think is that I'm sexy. Can I blame her? I'm 5' 6", 226 pounds, I have quite the belly on me, and a waning stamina.
I want to see her hungry for me, and to be someone, physically, she can find herself hungry for. Oh, we still make love, and she still initiates on occasion. But.. well.. *sighs* I'm doing it for my own self-esteem. I want that look.
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