You know what the absolute worst thing you can do is when you're feeling like a situation has left you out and you're not part of the fun and joy of that occasion?
Accidentally ruin the good things goin' on by bein' a party pooper.
I'm making somewhat light of it, but thats what I did tonight.
Worse? My honey tried to include me, but by that point I had gotten dark and broody and then just reacted childishly to the whole situation. She got understandably hurt and upset, and stated she needed time alone.
I'm not good at that, so not good in fact that she's now at her parents, likely for the whole night. All because I couldn't give her time to herself to come down from a very justifiable mad.
The worst part of these is that the logical rational part of my mind says "It isn't over, she'll be back, and you'll get through this. She knows you've been working at getting better, she's commented herself on how you've improved. The climb up is a dumb time to quit, and she knows it."
The other part knows just how bad of an ass of a prat I can be. And that even for all her strength she can only take so much. She loves me, things have been better this week past, but I screwed up tonight.
I know I'm running out of chances, and I hope this isn't the last one. I don't think it will be, and its to my credit that its gotten to 'I don't think', because it used to be a certainty that it was.
I've learned faith in her, and in us. Now I just need to start curing those situations that cause this one. Because its become a BIG one. Can't do it anymore, I just can't.
I want to be happy, just for a day at first, (which has happened), then a couple in a row.. Then a week.
And it feels to me like I've gotten up to a week more and more often here lately. I hope she sticks in there a while longer. I think I've almost got this thing licked.
Please god..
Help her to not give up yet.
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