Bits of observation.

Yes yes, I realize I just posted a few minutes ago. But thats kind of the point, I felt the other posting needed to stand alone. It was a singularly composed thought. This post, however, is just about observations I make about me.

This morning, sitting at the table with my fiance, I was trying to start up some small talk. It didn't even occur to me that my two basic starting statements were "Are you ok?" (It was 6am, I would imagine the answer could be "As well as could be expected at this time of the morning.") and then, "You feelin' alright this mornin'?".

Things to know about my dear Z, she looks beautiful, no matter what the hour. But being tired casts a decided emotional pall over her, at least, her 'I'm depressed' face, and her 'I'm tired' face are almost indistinguishable from one another. So that was kind of the basis of it, I also didn't have much to say.

She pointed out the problem of this approach to conversation, so I changed gears and asked her about work. Much better approach. And we chatted for a bit, so that was better.

Anyway, that wasn't the observation I started to write about, but its a good one none-the-less. The observation I actually meant to write about was the fact that when you're tired is not the best time to take stock of your emotional condition. Everything bites deeper and feels more pronounced when you're tired. Important to note that in many cases this goes for happiness as well as sorrow and worry.

Now unfortunately this means that for the next bit its going to be a bit rocky in the emotional department. We're shifting gears to get Z off to work on the bus at OMG its dark-30. (Otherwise known as 6:30am at the bus-stop). This basically shifts our cost to get her to work from about 50$ a week in gas, 200-250$ a month in gas... Or 20$ a month in a bus pass. Its kind of a no brainer.

But that puts us both in a state of being tired, and with me that means more emotional instability. Sleeping once she's up is a non-possibility. I just can't sleep when she's in our house and not in our bed, (Not that I put that responsibility on her mind, its my own hang-up.). And once I'm up in the morning, I'm up.

But! On the plus side, I'm aware of it! And that makes a massive difference in my ability to cope.