And I'm determined to not have another 'bad saturday'. They're inane and stupid, to sound perfectly petulant about it. And truly, those issues are slowly beginning to wash their way from my heart anyway. And this is, in no small part, due to a realization I made last night about the nature of my condition.
Part of my insecurity, though not my overall situation, lay in the fact that I have been having trouble feeling the 'bond' between my love and I. We spend delightful days and evenings together, wake up to one another. Generally enjoy each others presence, but out of a fear I'm slowly overcoming now that I've recognized it, I've not been able to feel that bond as deeply as I once did.
I'm working on that now, not sure how, but I am. Trying to be more aware of it, and less aware of the fear. I need to let that subside, fade away. This morning I feel confident I can move forward with letting this go. It feels like it will almost be easy.
Its kind of like a certain scene involving Patrick in 'Coupling', where he realizes what his problem is and suddenly. Its no longer a problem. Its not quite that quick, but it has a similar feel to it.
I have to be off to work today, but I wanted to share this. Its long past time to move on, but I come from a family of the habitually late. Thankfully, its not TOO late, just tarrying a bit behind. The trip should be easier though, I have less baggage. Home is waiting for me at my journeys end, and as most journeys worth taking, the real destination is my point of departure.
To Zahrah, should she read this, I love you dear, fully and completely. I have a lifetime remaining to show you how much, and to thank you for everything you've done. I'll always be grateful for who you are, and the blessing you are in my life. I love you my dear, my Samajal.
Thank you.
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