Autumn Winds to Winter Sands

Good evening long neglected readers, There have been many, many changes in my life since last I wrote. Many long grueling hours of work, a continuing weekly visitation to CoDA meetings (yes, I'm still going), and an epic trek across the US to collect someone who's become most dear to my heart. So much to cover, so much time, and so many changes. Where to even begin... Let's start with CoDA. CoDA has become a very integral part of my week, I don't feel quite right if I don't go. The people who I see each week, old and new, have become rather important to me. More that they are there, suffering from the same things that plague me, and giving me a place to air the darker corridors of my mind. I find it cleansing, though I feel like I could be doing better work than I have been. But one day at a time, ya know? Right now the consistency of going is a solid change in and of itself. Never been very good at stick-with-it-ness. But this? This I'm sticking with, and thank your diety of choice for that. I've learned a lot, about myself, and others. I've watched those around me in that place grow, change, and some just maintain. I've seen people at all stages of their recovery, including the stage where you're just maintaining your current health. I've felt my own recovery fluxuate back and forth, days where I feel stronger, some where I'm barely able to hold my head up. The greatest gift it's given me is awareness, not just of myself, but of others. I've always been perceptive and able to read others to varying degrees, but I have always been my greatest mystery. That's changing these days as I'm able to identify my own internal waves, and seeing what generates them. And this leads to an interesting thought in and of itself. Perhaps not scientifically sound as a direct analog, but useful from a psychological standpoint. Emotions, methods of thinking, moods... They can all be very much looked at from a concept of wave forms. They are not things in and of themselves, but the reflection of things. Wind blows across the surface, small ripples form, but if the wind continues to blow, the ripples become waves, turning a glass sea into a torrent of choppy waves. We can calm these winds in our mind, if we think of them as our subconscious and active thoughts. But sometimes life throws a major change, an earthquake, and suddenly we're dealing with a tsunami. But like a tsunami, if we don't recognize the signs, it can suddenly crash into a towering wave destroying everything in it's path, without warning.. I'm going to leave this as it lay tonight. But it's an interesting thought to pursue.