A long respite.

Good evening readers... Yes, I'm back again after a short hiatus from writing.

Some things to know..

Our Roommate Aaron moved out, and this has definitely taken some stress off of the house for me. I've been lighter of mood, less stressed out in general, happy. The reasons behind this bother me, but I've been enjoying the sensation.

But after a brief respite, it feels like those feelings are creeping back up on me again. I can feel them tonight, trying to drag down my mood, and it infuriates me, or perhaps frightens me is a better statement.

I don't want any of those feelings back again, none of the sadness and depression. And yet, here they seem to be on my doorstep. Its been a couple of weeks since I last saw my Therapist, and I'm intending on setting up another appointment two Mondays from now to continue my work with him. I had a week or so of what 'better' feels like, for the most part, and I want more of it.

In other news:
I started a diet today. This is my blog, so in part I'll be brutally honest about my reasons for starting it. They are two fold: I want to look better, feel better, have more energy, and in all seriousness hope it contributes to making my ED go away. (There ya go, for those who didn't know.). I'm doing it to help support my Zahrah as well, as she has started dieting as well.

But the big reason.. Tied into those mentioned earlier.. Is I want to see the look of appreciation for my physical form in Zahrah's eyes. I know she thinks I'm handsome, what she doesn't think is that I'm sexy. Can I blame her? I'm 5' 6", 226 pounds, I have quite the belly on me, and a waning stamina.

I want to see her hungry for me, and to be someone, physically, she can find herself hungry for. Oh, we still make love, and she still initiates on occasion. But.. well.. *sighs* I'm doing it for my own self-esteem. I want that look.